Sweetie Baby Cookie Honey

31). January 1985

2009-12-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday January 19th, 1985.

I have not written in awhile, I've been busy! Really Busy!!! I'm making a bedspread and a pillow, and just trying to keep the Apartment clean is a big job.

Our baby girl Shanelle got her first shot on January 8th, and you cried, oh did you cry.... I cried too! I'm so happy you did not have a fever or anything after your shot, you just slept alot the next two days. You ate and slept and ate and slept. My sweet little baby girl...

Yesterday was your cousin Nicole's birthday, and you have a new 2nd Cousin, born on January 3rd. His name is Andrew Eagle.

We went to Grandma and Grandpa's for cake and ice cream for Nicole and it was so delicious. They even had pizza too. I ate the ice cream and not the pizza, go figure...

A couple of days ago you rolled off the dresser, but I caught you, I was so scared, it was really crazy. But you are okay, I think I was more shook up than you were.

Today is Sunday February 10th. Grandma Wilson's birthday is today!!! She is 63 years old. We went over there and had dinner with them last night. You will be 3 months old tomorrow. Daddy and I think you have grown so much! You just love to stand up, your little legs are so strong. They are getting so chubby. Really cute! Yesterday I gave you a bath and you stood right up when I was washing your back, your little legs just wanted to show me how strong they are... I just love you so much Shanelle June! So much, so much, so much!

It's a Sunday and your Daddy is working and it feels so weird, we just wanted to save some money.

You are almost too big for that Bassinet already, and I'm super excited to get you to sleep in your new crib. We had to put the mattress in layaway but she should get it out in a couple of weeks. I have not been writing in this journal like I should, it's been almost one month.
In that last month you learned to blow bubbles and our hair has really been growing. It looks dark. Like Daddy's. You like to watch television, Daddy has been doing alot of taping, so whe you get older you can watch all these really good tapes, alot of wild life and much more.

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

January 1985 Happy New Year......

2009-10-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

Today is January 5th, 1985.

It's a Saturday and Daddy's at work, our sweet baby Shanelle is sleeping and I just finished baking some home made banana bread. The whole apartment smells so delicious. I'm sure the neighbor's can even smell it.

New Year's eve was so nice. We got to babysit Nicole for a little while. She was just really looking at you and even helped me burp you. She was not quite sure she liked me nursing you. You two little girls are just so sweet, I'm just loving every moment with the two of you. I hope you grow up to be really close like me and my sister are.

Dad and I want shopping today to buy a Video Player. It's called a Video Cassette Recorder. It's really nice. Mommy and Daddy had the reception of our wedding taped and now we can watch it. I can't wait to see how adorable we looked. I hope you can see the love that we felt that day on the video shine thru on the video. I was a very happy Bride, and I was marrying my very favorite person in the whole wide world. I love your Daddy!!!!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

The last days of 1984.

2009-10-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

It's the end of December and we are counting our blessings, and so happy 1984 was such a wonderful year. Having a baby girl in our lives, something that we created is just truly the most amazing feeling ever in this whole entire world. I have never loved so strongly and deeply. I'm amazed at my sweet little family. I love you Stephen, Amy and Sweet Baby Shanelle xoxoxo
Love, Momma xo

January 29, 1984 Saturday..

Daddy and I started taping some of your baby cries, and we even got you sucking on your hand tonight. such a cute stage you are in. You took hold of my finger on one hand and squeezed, and you took hold of my other finger on my other hand and were opening and closing your hand. Opposite things with both hands. Daddy and I noticed that you are moving your arms alot more, and you love to kick you legs. You have been rolling your head from side to side when you're in your bassinet. You even try to stand straight up when Daddy holds you. He Loves to call you little Bambino. It sounds so cute when he calls you that. You even seem to smile alot more. You also seem to be a really happy baby!!! That makes your Momma so very happy!

Daddy and I gave you your first shower, Daddy and I had to both hold you so you wouldn't wiggle out of our arms. You are so active with your arms and legs now you are such a little mover and shaker and such a little cutie pie.... I'm so in LOVE!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

December 1984 --- continued...

2009-09-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

Today is Monday, I forgot what we did on Friday. I know I spent Thursday night writing out Baby announcements and Thank You cards. I had dinner at Kathie and Chuck's on Friday. That's what we did.
Saturday Daddy only had to work from 12:30-5:30. So he had the night off. We all went to see Debbie and her friend Carol's new place out in Dearborn. You were such a good baby girl. You were just a little fussy, but when Daddy held you, you became quiet. It was really cute.

Sunday my Uncle Paul and Aunt Jan and your second cousins Paul, Julie and Doug came to visit. They brought you some flowers and a vase. I am going to take a picture of them now that I think about it.

Today, Daddy changed the living room around because I put up the Christmas tree last night. It was so crowded in here. I also wrapped Christmas presents.

Oh yea, you smiled at me twice yesterday. You were awake and I was so touched! You melted my heart. The only time we see you smile is when your belly is full and you're falling asleep. What a little sweetie you are!

We went to Kathie's tonight and cut out snowflakes for decorations. It was fun. We even put glitter on them. I think our apartment looks really sweet. I'm glad Daddy changed the living room around. It needed a change.

You are asleep right now. But I'm tired so, I will put you in your Bassinet and go to sleep myself. You look so cozy on the couch, I hate to move you, but I wouldn't want you to fall off the couch. I know you don't roll over yet, but I won't take any chances.

We have a busy day tomorrow. You have your First Doctor's appointment. I'm anxious to see how much you have grown and also how much you weigh.

Nitey-nite Sweethearts!

Well, It's 6:00 a.m. Tuesday December 11, 1984.

You are 1 month old today. I wanted to write in here how you woke us up. You screamed so loud! Both Daddy and I jumped out of bed. When you and I went to bed you were sleeping on my chest, and when Daddy came home he wanted to put you in the Bassinet, but I was too sleepy. I don't even remember him comming to bed. Well I woke up and put you in your Bassinet and when you screamed, Daddy thought I squished you. But you were just hungry and you were all upset because you were on the side of the Bassinet and you probably could not scoot. As soon as I picked you up and changed your diaper, I felt something wet on my leg and foot, and it was my breast milk leaking. Feeding time! I'm glad you were just screaming because you could not scoot and not something serious!..

You are one month old today, I took you to the Doctor's for your first appointment. You are 21 3/4 inches long and 7 lbs 10 ozs. I knew you were growing. What a little sweetie you are!

Friday, December 14th.

Grandma LaFleur watched you for a few hours tonight while Momma went Christmas shopping, after that we went over to my girlfriend Sue's house. We had alot of fun. She thinks you are such a good baby.

Saturday we just stayed home at night. But Saturday morning, we all went to West Bloomfield to pick up some Amway. Ann and Gordon got to see you for the first time. They bought you an Ama gift. How nice of them.

Sunday Paula and her younger sister Kristen came over. We all ated dinner together. I made stuffed peppers. They were so good.

I cleaned out and re-arranged the kitchen cupboards and the linen closet today. It really needed to be re-organized.

Monday night we went to Livonia Mall with our friends David and Ellen. We had a lot of fun. Well today is already Saturday. We had a pretty busy week on Wednesday, we went to Grandma Wilson's for dinner. Uncle Ray, Aunt Marsha and Stephanie cme up from Texas. It was really nice seeing them again. We drove out West during the summer, and we stayed with them for a few days. Last night we went to Westland Mall, and I was kinda mad, because when I went to buy Daddy a Christmas prestne, I noticed I forgot the money at home. So, we had to drive back home. It was raining like crazy.
You got hungry, so I fed you in the dressing room at J.C. Penny's. then you got hungry again so I fed you in the Hudson't sitting in the furniture department. It is so close to Christmast that the Mall was crazy.

Well, I finished all the shopping last night, and am I ever glad to be done with it all.

Sunday the 23rd of December.

We have plans to go to Uncle Ted's house for Turkey dinner. I made some jello and brought some rolls over too. You slept most of the way there. We had to make a stop over to Ann andGordon's. We had a pretty big order to pick up. We got there about 1:30 and unloaded the car. We brought your swing so you could sit and look around. We had a very nice dinner. Everything was so good. We exchanged presents after dinner and dishes were done.
Grandma and Grandpa Wilson gave you some white shoes with velcro, a pair of red booties and a white bonnett with filagree around the face and a white tossil on the top. Really cute!
You have already outgrown your first bonnett. We are wsaving off of your bonnets for your dolls.
You also got a Fisher Price toy, it can even go in the bathtub. It is so cute. Your Aunt Janet gave us a Mom and Dad mug. One for Dad and One for me. I really like them!
Aunt Cathy sent you a jogging suit with a clown on it. Aunt Marsha gave you a white and red sleeper, and some booties with red bows on them. Uncle Tim gave you a First Christmas bib and s Snowman stuffed animal. He has a hat and a green bow around his neck. Your cousing Diana picked your name and gave you an Oranatange stuffed animal that plays Rock a bye Baby. She was so excied about buying you a present. She told me she was going to buy you a stuffed animal that was really big!
Bigger than you! She's silly.

Mom and Dad got alot of nice things too. Daddy got a sleevless sweater, light blue and Uncle Ted made a wooden shelf. Uncle Tim gave us money. I got a blue sweater and a dickie to go underneath. It looks nice. We also got a Calendar for 1985. We can use it as a towel but I just want to save tme.

Amy got a flower kid doll a comb, brush and mirror set, some gloves and a scarf and a hat, a coloring book and a Cabbage patch book.

Monday we went over to Kathie and Chucks, they bought you a baby smurf stuffed animal, and a buny stuffed animal. We propped you up around all your stuffed animals. You have 13 already. Karen and Ron gave you a brite green and orange mouse, you look at it alot. We toos some pictures with all your animals. So cute!!!!

Today is December 25th, 1984. What a nice day. You woke up at 7:00 a.m. and then went back to sleep until 9:00 a.m. Daddy and I made an Apple Pie to take over to Grandma and Grandpa LaFleur's.
We first went over to Great Grandpa and Great Grandma's. They gave us $25.00 to buy you something for Christmas. That was so sweet.

We stayed for a little while. Great Grandma LaFleur said, you have grown alot since the first time she saw you. You just looked at her. Great Grandpa LaFleur wanted to make you some otatmeal to eat, but you are only six weeks old. You are only taking breast milk. I try to give you a little bit of water, but you don't like it very much.

Santa Claus came to see us lastnight. He brought you all kinds of presents. He brought you floating toys for your bath, some lock beads, some rocker rings, and some yellow slippers, and a pink outfit that say's Honey on the shirt. You also got some books, and an album. ti plays lullaby's.

We went over to Grandma and Grandpa LaFleur's for dinner. Grandma bought you a little sleeper and a blue jumper outfit and a purple outfit and some purple socks, blue socks, purple tennis shoes that are so very cute!

Aunt Sherry gave you a toy and a pink dress. Uncle Pennie gave you a little white dress with little fluffy panties, and Uncle Norm gave you a little red and white ABC dress with a pair of little red tights, and a baby's pi8llow, and a pink fuzzy sleeper. We had a really nice Christmas showing you off to everyone!

Today is Friday December 28th. Daddy is still on vacation for the holiday's. We spent the whole day together. First we went to see a doctor for Mommy. Just a check up... I'm fine...

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

2009-09-20T23:43:00.000-07:00

My Sweet Grandmother Yvonne..

2009-09-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

My Grandparent's house

2009-09-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

Eye miss you Shanelle! Hope to see you soon!

2009-09-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

Mother's LOVE

2009-09-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

Shanelle's Out West...... I miss her! xoxo

2009-09-17T20:15:00.000-07:00

December 1984

2009-09-17T19:33:00.000-07:00

Friday the 30th of November.

Today is your sister's 6th Birthday. I can remember when Amy was just a little baby. The years go by so fast. I went shopping today with Kathie. We ended up going to Wonderland and I bought some donuts, and a cake for her birthday celebration tomorrow. Some thank you cards, and some birth announcements.

Chuck babysat you for a couple of hours, and you slept the whole time we were at the stores shopping.

Saturday, December 1st. Already!!! Christmas is only 24 days away. I can't wait it's your first Christmas. Amy came over today. We are going to have cake and ice cream with Grandma and Grandpa Wilson, Chuck and Kathie and their children, Elizabeth and Christopher. It was fun, you gave Amy a Rainbow Brite Doll. She really liked it. We took a couple of pictures of Amy holding you, and I just know they are going to turn out sweet.

Sunday December 2nd..

You had a bath this morning, so cute! You seemed to enjoy the water. I just love the way a baby smells after having a bath. I just wanna have you next to me. You smell amazing!
We went to Grandma LaFleur's today so we could go to Great Aunt Rhonda's baby shower. you were a little fussy on the drive over, but it was okay. You just were a bit hungry. Great Aunt Jan, Grandma and you and I all rode together. You were such a good girl today. Everyone was so glad to see you.

Today was actually the day you were due. Only you decided to be born 3 weeks early. I don't mind one bit!

We stayed over Grandma's for awhile, I had dinner with them. Then I got so tired, I had to come home.

It's Thursday already, and it snowed last night. It is bitter cold outside. I'm glad we are inside. Daddy had to go to work today. I wish he could stay home. But we have Christmas shopping to do yet. So we have to have money to shop. I think we are going to put up the Christmas tree this weekend. I like Christmas. It's a nice season. Lot's of fun, making cookies, shopping and wrapping presents. I want to buy Daddy a new winter coat, and a new robe. He needs one really bad. Well it is late and you have been sleeping for 2 hours. In another 2 hours you are going to be waking up for your feeding. So I need my rest so I don't fall asleep.
I love you Shanelle, you are so pretty. You sure look so much Daddy!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

1984 Continued

2009-09-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday, and it is cold outside. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. We had a pretty busy day. We went to Grandma and Grandpa Wilson's first. Everyone was so happy to see you. Uncle Ted took all kinds of pictures. We also went to Grandma and Grandpa LaFleur's. Your cousin Nicole kept saying Baby, Baby. it was so cute. We also went to Great Grandma and Great Grandpa LaFleur's. They sure think you are a cutie. Your Great Aunt Mary sent a little note with five dollars in it for you.

You are laying on the floor right now, making the cutest faces, and you are really stretching I think you have already grown some. You were sleeping in your bassinet today looking so beautiful, I took a picture of you. I can't wait to get the film developed. Your umbilical cord stub fell off yesterday. Your little belly button looks so cute. Well, I just have to pick you up. Oh yea, Our next door neighbor Tom and his girlfriend Sue came over and brought you a little green sleeper with a giraffe on it. It is pretty. I think that was so nice of them.

Today is Saturday, Daddy and I took you outside today. We took you to our neighbors Kathy and Chucks. Grandma LaFleur bought you a beautiful stroller- so we just had to take you for your first stroller ride. You seemed to like the fresh air. Kathie and I went grocery shopping after Dad went to work Chuck was nice to babysit you. I left a tiny bottle of formula just in case you got hungry. He fed you about 2 ounces and then you pooped. He changed your diaper and again you pooped. Daddy and I didn't bring enough diapers so when we got finished with the shopping you were laying on your blanket that I made for you while I was pregnant, and he had you on a towel and toilet paper underneath of your bum. You looked so happy to have a bare bottom and you were just kicking and stretching your legs. So cute. My neighbor Cheryl came over to visit, she is so nice. I was breastfeeding you and trying to cook a hamburger and fries too. Cheryl was nice enough to cook for me. I'm glad because I was really hungry.

Sunday The 25th of November.

You are 2 weeks and 3 hours old. I have you laying on my lap. You are sound asleep. Every once in awhile I feel you stretch your legs. Daddy took 2 pictures of you. So Pretty! I gave you a bath at 9:00 p.m. You are so good at bath time. You just cry only a little, just because you are cold.

I took a couple of pictures of you after your bath when you were all covered up in your pretty towel. You looked so precious and happy and you sure are a great baby! Your dispostion is really great! We are very Proud parents!

Daddy came home early from work tonight. I'm so glad. Nite nite little snowflake. We love you!

Today is Monday November 26th, 1984.

Daddy and I took you to Westland today to get the picture's of you developed. They turned out fantastic. You are such a beautiful baby. We also got your picture taken with Santa Claus today. You just kept looking around. You and I took a nap together today. You sure keep me warm! your sound asleep right now.

I was talking to my Mom today and she said, my sister Sherry's trailer caught on fire. on Saturday night. It was an electrical fire and a gas leak too. My brother in law Jeff and Nicole were sleeping, but Jeff got them out safely. Sherry was working. I'm so glad that they are all safe!

You got a package from your Uncle Ray and Aunt Marsh from Texas today. Then sent a pale pink sleeper with an angel and a flower on it. It's is so precious.

Today is Tuesday the 27th of November.

We stayed home today, you were a little fussy during the a.m. hours, but calmed down later this afternoon.
Christine and Marlana and Samir came over tonight. Kathie came over too for a little while.
You smiled alot tonight, I was talking to you and I think you heard what I was saying to you. Your'e such a cutie pie!
I LOVE YOU!
NIGHTY NIGHT.. Baby...
and Daddy too, and Amy too..

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

11-15-1984

2009-09-15T18:24:00.000-07:00

Well, today is Friday... Five day's later.

On Sunday morning at 4:30 a.m. I woke up and my underwear were all wet. I wasn't sure if I had peed my pants or if my water had broken. I got up and cleaned up when I noticed I was having back pains. I knew I had only a bologna sandwich and a chocolate cup cake and a glass of milk before I went to bed. The pains kept coming. So for about an hour I was timing the pains. I went into the bathroom and noticed I had lost my mucus plug and then I knew the back pains was a sure sign of labor. I knew Steve had only gotten home a few hours before so I let him sleep. I could not let him sleep. I knew he had already had a wife with a child and asked him if this was a real sign that I was having Labor. He said, " I think so". We both agreed to call the Doctor but would wait a little while longer because it was so early in the morning. But then we changed our minds. The Doctor told us to come to the hospital. Which was actually a half hour drive, but it took us an hour. I took a shower and wore the only clean outfit I had. All the way to the hospital I was so afraid... It was the First Snowfall of the year and we were the only tracks on the road, we were slipping and sliding everwhere. The weather was a mess. the snow was falling so hard. We were on the expressway and could hardly change lanes. We finally made it through. I could not believe that this was the day. The first Snowfall... You are our little Snowflake. We got to the hospital a little after 9:00 a.m. They checked me to see how far along I was, and I was only dialated to a two. It seemed like forever. The contractions kept comming, stronger and stronger. It was so funny cause the nurse gave me a sanitary pad to wear with a belt, and I did not know how to put the dang thing on. Steve tried to hokk it up for me but it would not stay. Finally the nurse showed us what we were doing wrong. Well it was really painful by 5:00 p.m. I was really in bad shape. The nurse put a monitor on but the contractions were not showing up. By 6:30 or 7:00 my Mom and Dad came up to see how I was doing.
I sent Steve to get something to eat earlier, but he only had a bowl of cereal.
He was such a big help. He rubbed my back with the contractions and he kept giving me ice chips. Well, suddenly I really was hurting and the nurse mad me lay on my back. Well, I was so mad! I had all back labor and it did not make me feel very well to lay on my back. Finally this female nurse came in and said she did not want me on my back. Boy was I ever happy about that! Your heartbeat went up on the monitor so the doctor had to put in a fetal monitor up inside of me. It attatched to the top of your head. I asked if it would hurt the baby and the nurse said, "NO'. My Mom was in the room while they did that and I know she was worried. It hurt so much! Everytime I had a contraction it seemed to get in the way. All the blood between my legs was bothering me so much! I kept sticking the sheet between my legs. Then this one nurse said, " I don't know how these sheets are geting so messed up, but we don't have enough clean linen to keep changing the sheets". I did not tell her how they got so bloody.. I was holding myself to indure the pain...... It was sooooo bad, so bad, so bad! Back labor just about killed me!
Well, finally the Doctor came in and said, " The Baby was posterior, which meant your face was up facing the sky instead of down. Most babies are born face down. Once I found that out, I knew then why my back was hurting so much. About an hour before you were born you turned. I was so glad! But let me say it hurt so much! Then I got the urge to push. I tried and then had to take a breath. I kept pushing with every contraction, I was so glad that I could push. Th Doctor said, I was a good pusher, and that they could see the babies head. I kept pushing a little more but I lost control. My breathing was getting all mixed up. They put some demerol in my IV and then gave me some oxygen. Steve kept wiping my face after each time I pushed. He was breathing right along with me. It helped alot! The Doctor said, to push as hard as I could and then finally they were taking me to the delivery room. The nurse gave some kind of cover up for Steve to wear. I told him to hurry and get dressed, oh yea, earlier when my Mom came in I told her to tell Steve to get something to eat. They both left and my Dad came in to see me. He helped rub my back but he sure looked worried. As my parents were downstairs eating or having coffee, my Dad said to my Mom, " Are you having labor pains too?" She said, "Yes". It was at the same time I was pushing and almost having my baby. Anyways, The Nurse brought me to the labor room, and it sure was cold in there. The Doctor prepared me, and there was a mirror up above so I could see what was happening. Well, it was time! I was so glad, we were finally going to have our baby. Well, I pushed and I could see your head. I pushed some more and could see more of your head. One more push and your head was out. The Doctor told me not to push anymore, so they could suck the blood from your mouth and ears and everywheare else. Then I pushed once more and out you came. The Doctor said, " It's a Baby Girl", and I could not believe it! I said to Steve, We have a baby girl. The Doctor put you on my belly and said, I could hold you, I was so excited and said, oh my I can really hold her? Then my arms reache out and I picked you up. You were crying really loud. It was so exciting! Steve cut the umbilical cord, and then the nurses took you to clean you up and give you the Apgar test. Steve was looking over at you and he said you were sticking out your tongue. I couldn't believe it. The Doctors were sewing me up after the after birth came out. I wanted them to hurry. It took about 15 minutes. After that I got onto another table and they wheeled me to a clean room. I was so exausted. Mom was looking through the doors and I said we had a Baby Girl and she said, " She already knew, the Doctor had come out and told my parents it was a Girl", I was bummed, I wanted to tell them. Anyways, She was really happy. Grandma LaFleur got to hold you when you were only a half hour old. We named you Shanelle June. And it fits you perfect. You weighted 5 lbs, 15 ozs and were 19 inches long. You are really a pretty baby. You were born at 7:58 p.m.

While in the hospital you were so good. the first night you stayed in the nursery except for feeding time. The second night you stayed with me. It was really nice. Inface you slept right in my bed. My roomates made fun of me the next day because I kept talking to you all night. Even when you were sleeping. I am so proud. the Doctor let me and you come home on Wednesday. I was so glad to come home. Oh yea, On Sunday when you were born. Daddy left the car lights on all day. So Uncle Norman had to come and pick up Grandma LaFleur and Daddy up. The car had no charge left on the battery from the lights being left on all day.

So Monday Daddy went to Grandma Wilso's and charged the battery. Monday night Debbie and Daddy came up to the hospital and Daddy gave you your first bath. He said you only cried a little bit.

Well, today is Tuesday November 20th. You are already 9 days old. I am doing pretty good. You are doing great and Daddy is doing great too. he is so proud of you. He held you for along time today. He was rocking you in his arms and you seemed so happy. I got my hair cut on sunday, my hair was so long. I wanted to get it cout so you could see your Momma.

I had to go to the Doctor's yesterday, because my right ear is plugged, and I can't hear on that side. The Doctor said the canal is my throat is blocked so he gave me some medicing. It has not helped yet.

You are sound asleep right now. You like to make faces when you sleep. You smmile alot when your sleeping. You look so cute. Amy stayed here on Staurday night. She sure does like you. She is so happy to have a baby sister.

Shanelle you really melt my heart! I had to just pick you up and hold you today. You were sleeping and didn't even wake up. I gave you a bath today and you got a little upset. You don't like to be cold. You are so cute! You don't have too much hair yet, but it's so pretty after it's washed. You sure smell good!

Uncle Pennie and Uncle Norman came to see you lastnight. Uncle Norman was holding you and you squirted poop in your pants. He jumped and we all laughted. You did not get him messy though. Baby's do those things sometimes. Well, I'm going to go and do dishes from dinner.

I'll write again tomorrow.

We Love you Shanelle!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

11-08-1984

2009-09-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

It is just after 10:00 p.m. Thursday the 8th of November.

Daddy should be on his lunch break at work. It has gone by so slow since he left for work.
I had a Dr. appointment today at 1:00. Daddy and I both went, I only gained 3 1/2 pounds for the whole month, I'm pretty pleased. The one month I gained 10 pounds. Oh well.... Dr. Bayram said that everything was going fine. He explained to us how he delivers, and said that, Steve can cut the cord if he wants to. I want him to, but it's up to him to make the choice. So anyways the Dr. Said I could go into labor anytime. But I think it won't happen for a couple more weeks. So far everyone say's that I have dropped. I can't tell myself, but I'm starting to believe it. I can breathe a little easier.

Debbie, Carol, Kathie and I all went to Kitty's restaurant tonight for Chinese food. It was really good. Kathie drove the Monte Carlo because my belly is so big. I don't feel comfortable behind the wheel. Terrie called and said, she had a gift for the baby, so Kathie and I both went over to her house. She bought a blue furry snow suit. it's perfect for the cold weather, I really like it alot, it's so soft! I have so much to do before you are born!

I want to have all the Chrismas Shopping finished but if I don't I won't worry about it. I will just have to send Stephen to the stores. Unless I swe all the gifts. We, we will just have to wait and see what happens.

Well, I'm going to do some reading now. I'll write again tomorrow night.

TODAY IS NOVEMBER 9th. I don't have too much to write about today. The weather wasn't the greatest. It's been raining, and the leaves outside on the trees are almost all gone.

I went shopping at Wonderland in Livonia. I bought some flannel to make some pillows for the floor. I have to buy some stuffing tomorrow.
I went to my Mom's house to babysit Nicole. They are going to a birthday party. So, Nicole slept most of the time. she has god a cold. I feel so sorry for her. Little babies get sick so easy... I started to write out Thank you notes for the shower last Sunday. Only a few more left to do.

Well, I have to get up at 7:30 tomorrow to go to Lamaze. It comes really quickly, so Goodnight.

Well, today is Saturday November 10th.

Daddy and I went to Lamaze and had a good day. I went grocery shopping and to Franks Nursery for some stuffing for the floor pillows. I ran in Cheryl at Farmer Jacks. We had a nice little chat. I was so bummed when I got home because, I left Steve home so he could sleep and my friends Ellen and David came to visit. They were living in Virginia, but just moved to Ohio. The couldn't wait around any longer so they left, and I missed seeing the. Atleast Steve go to meet them.

The day went so fast and all of a sudded Steve had to leave for work. Debbie and Carol came over. But didn't stay too long. I stayed up until midnight but could not stay up any longer. Steve will get hom at 1:00 a.m. I love him so much, I hope he's not too tired after our busy day.

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

11-03-1984 thru 11-.07-1984

2009-09-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

Well Today is November 3rd., and what a busy-busy day!
It all started at 7:30 a.m., and it's now 10:30 p.m.
I got up and made eggs and sausage for breakfast, curled my hair and put on a little make up and got dressed to go to Lamaze with Dad. We had to be there by 9:00 a.m. After Lamaze class we went to Grandma and Grandpa LaFleur's to pick up the title to the Monte Carlo, then went and pick up your sister Amy. Came home to the Apartment and I made soup and left over pizza for lunch for Amy and I, while Daddy took a nap.
Then I made a burger and fries for his lunch before he lift for work at 3:30. then I had to drive to 14 mile and Haggerty to pick up an Amway order, then drove to Regals Market to buy a couple of Lotto tickets. On the way out of Regals, Grandpa Wilson was on his way in. So we talked for a few and decided that Amy and I would come over later tonight.
So we came home for awhile and then left for Grandma and Grandpa Wilson's. We looked at all the beautiful pictures from their 2 month vacation out west. I loved it when your Dad and I went out West this summer for 3 weeks. I was only 4 months pregnant and you were with us too. Then after I looked at all the pictures we went to see your Dad at work on his lunch break. He was really surprised to see me. Then I went back to Grandma Wilson's and we played cards, and then Amy and I came home and ate grilled cheese sandwiches. I was so hungry. I felt sick! Now I'm super tired and ready for bed.

Goodnight!

Well it's already another day, Sunday November 4th. My girlfriends, Kathie and Debbie gave me a baby shower. I am so pleased at how it turned out. So many of my friends showed up, Our sweet unborn baby, you got so many nice things.
I'm really tired though. It has been a long day.
I was so excited to see everyone today.
I was kinda emotional when I saw the cake they ordered. It was so pretty, I cried, and they had all kinds of food. More than enough.
We had Turkey and Ham and Cheese for sandwiches. Baked beans, Tuna salad, potatoe chips, punch and marble cake. It was all so good.

We played baby games, and most everyone won a prize. A few people didn't show up, but that's okay You got so many gifts. I'll write all the stuff in your baby book. I'm so happy, Everyone had a good time.
Well, Daddy and I are going to go to sleep now. I'll write again tomorrow.

Today is November 5th.

It's been a pretty good day. Steve and I went over to Christine's and picked up the bassinet. Then went to the Secretary of State to get 1985 tabs for the Monte Carlo. Then we came home and made some lunch.
Then I got into a baking mood. I made some Pumpkin cookies and a Pumpkin Pie. Ummm Ummmm good!

Uncle Ted and his fiancee Cindy came over to pick up their Amway order and Bunny the old maitnence worker came by and picked up a box of SA-8 laundry detergent.

Daddy stayed home from work today. he was not feeling very well. I've been sick with a cold for the past week and a half. I wish it would go away.

I cut Daddy's hair tonight I think it looks pretty good. He's such a cutie!

He has beautiful hair, it is so soft and thick, Kinda wavy too. I love to run my fingers through his hair. Well, little one, I'm ready for bed now, Oh yea, as of today, I am 37 weeks pregnant. You are due December 2nd. Only three more weeks...

Goodnight.

Love, Momma and Daddy

Today is Tuesday November 6th, 1984.

An Election day. Ronald Regan won for President. I knew he would. Well, Steve and I got off to a late start today. It was just one of those days to just be lazy. We watched the television until noon, then decided to go to the bank and go to vote. I really felt weak today. My arms and legs just felt so weird. Dad told me to take a nap, so I did and I felt better after I woke up.
My sister Sherry wanted me to babysit for Nicole tonight but my Mom came home and she wanted to watch Nicole. I guess tomorrow Sherry has to work, so she might have me babysit. She was going to call me after work, but I was not here. I was over at Kathie and Chuck's.
So I'm sure she will call me in the morning.

My neighbors Sheri and Dean left a package outside our front door tonight. It was a large dog and a small dog stuffed animal. Really cute. She couldn't make it to the baby shower on Sunday so she weanted to give the baby something. I really think that was nice of them. Well, I'm pretty sleepy. I know I have a busy day tomorrow. That is if I have to watch Nicole. But I just love it when she comes over, she is a doll!

Goodnight Little one!

Today is Wednesday 11-07-1984.

Sherry and Nicole came over about 11:30 a.m. I am going to babysit Nicole while Sherry goes to work. Steve stayed home a couple of extra hours so he could help me out. Nicole was really an excellent little girl today. We had alot of fun with her. I think she knows me better, so she didn't cry for her Momma. We played all day with her. I made some homemade Applesauce a few weeks ago and Nicole really liked it. Although, I don't think she is a very big eater. I stayed home tonight and am going to bed early. I got of of my American Baby magazine's today so I'll just lay in bed, relax and read it from front to back. I really like reading lately. It seems like I want to know more and more.

On Chanel 56 they had a program on the Brain. It was pretty interesting. they showed how a woman's brain goes crazy while she gives birth, and I believe it! Anyways, they showed a cescerian delivery and I'm glad I saw it. Just in case I have to deliver by C-section.
Well, tomorrow I have a Doctor's appointment, so we will see how I am progressing. I sure am getting excited!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

My Journal from 1984 Starting on page 1

2009-09-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

Today is October 30th 1984.

It's a bit cooler today than it was yesterday, As it figures out on the calendar I am 36 weeks and one day pregnant. It sure has gone by fast.

I've already had the first baby shower on the 21st of October. My Aunt Jan, Aunt Ida and my sister Sherry gave the shower. So many nice gifts!

Your daddy is at work right now He will be home at 3:00 a.m. We practiced our Lamaze today. We practiced relaxing individual parts of my body and then the different methods of breathing. it will probably help when the time comes to deliver. I made a Pumpkin Pie this morning. It turned out really good. I've been craving one for awhile.

Tonight I sewed a quilted toy bag for all your toys. It turned out okay. I like it. My belly is so big! I really think it's neat when you kick or move around, my belly moves all over the place. I love to just put my hands on my stomach and try and figure out of its your elbow, legs or feet. I'm anxious to see if your a girl or a boy.

When I first got pregnant, I had two dreams that I was pregnant with a girl.
I really want to find out.

We have our names picked out already, If it's a girl your name will be Shanelle June and if it's a boy your name will be Randal Stephen.. Time will only tell. Tomorrow I hope will be a better day. Then maybe Dad and I will go for a bike ride. We have so much fun riding our bikes. I wish winter would not come, because, it's too cold to ride bikes, and we have to stay inside. Well until tomorrow.
I LOVE YOU BABY! I hope your healthy when your born! I figure that your at least gonna be 8 lbs or more.

Tonight is Halloween night. It rained a little but not much. It is still cold out. Which I don't like very much. We live in an apartment so there weren't any kids trick or treating in this area. But the way things are it's not too safe to go trick or treating. So many kooks. I sometimes wonder if Halloween will still be around in the future years. It is a good day though. Today my Mom and Dad celebrate their wedding anniversary 25 years. Your Aunt Sherry got married Aug 11, 1983 and your Dad and I on Sept 10, 1983. Then my Mom and Dad in October.

I have a cold right now. Your dad has been putting Vick's on my chest to clear up some of the congestion.

Next month on the 30th Amy will turn six years old. She is growing up so quick. But she learns so much more every year. I really like being Amy's Step -Mother. I've learned so much from her. But as soon as you're born I will learn so much more. I really wanna be a Good Mother as well as step mother. Your dad is an excellent man. And I know he is really happy about starting a new family. We are starting to get things ready. My girlfriend Christine is going to let us borrow her bassinet. I can't wait! Having a baby has really been such a fantastic experience.
When I first found out that I was expecting I couldn't believe it! We were really going to have a baby, and then as the months have gone by my belly has really gotten bit. How amazing, there is so much that Dad and I have to learn. Just to teach you right from wrong and good from bad. it will be a job, well worth the effort. I'm really looking forward to teaching you about Life, and just to get to know your Dad and Amy and I. It will be so much fun! We will do our best to make your life as happy as ours is.

Until tomorrow, goodnight little one. Sweet Dreams ! :-)

It's November 1st--- And what a dark and gloomy day. it rained almost all day. The leaves outside are blowing all over. It sure feels like winter is here.

My girlfriend Sue called today, she just moved back to Michigan from New Jersey. So I went and visited her this evening. she is really a good friend.

You sure are moving alot tonight in my stomach. I am going to miss all the kicking once you are born. But it will be worth it. I feel so pregnant lately. Just trying to climb up the stairs is a challenge. I sure would like to have an elevator. But no such luck. I need all the exercise I can get.

I"m just sitting here watching Johnny Carson. I think I'll try and stay awake until Dad comes home. The day went by so fast, it was 4:30 so quick and Dad had to leave for work. I really miss him. Well, the Love Boat is on television. I'm just going to relax on the couch and bundle up my toes are cold. Hope time goes quickly so Steve will be home soon. I wanna give him a big hug and kiss. He's such a sweetie!

Until tomorrow.
Goodnight

Well today is November 2nd already! I'm due on December 2nd. Only 4 weeks away.
I did alot today. your Dad and I did some running around this morning. We went to the fruit market and bought all kids of good stuff. He wants me to make him an Apple pie, so maybe tomorrow after Lamaze class. I'm so tired tonight. I went to the grocery store and did four loads of laundry. I just got out of the shower and I'm ready for bed. It's Friday night and Steve get's home early tonight. 1:00 a.m. I would wait up, but I feel worn out. Besides, I need my beauty sleep. You have been kicking me alot tonight. You are probably tired too.
All that exercise can wear a baby out. I know your Dad will be sleepy when he comes home. I can't wait! It's so cold out. I need him here with me to keep me warm.

Sweet Dreams! Love, Mom

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

I started writing the journals........

2009-09-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

Okay.......

It's time for the Journal's.................................

40). The List..... 2 much 2 Soon!

2009-09-09T14:28:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to post these names and dates of the Funerals..... You can see for yourself there's been too much!

Too much of some things are not good!

Too much...... Too soon!

Grandmother Yvonne 04-28-1992
6 weeks later

Grandfather Norman 06-02-1992
7 months later

Sister Sherry 01-11-1993 age 33
4 months later

Best friend Genette 05-04-1993 age 31
3 years later

My Mother in Law Marie 08-31-1996
1 year later

My Great Aunt Julia ( Judy) 11-04-1997
1 year later

My Father Norman ( Fritz ) 11-16-1998

My Girlfriends Husband Glenn 01-08-2006 age 48

My Mother Carol ( Dumplin) 03-21-2006

My Girlfriends Husband Thomas 12-22-2006 age 52

My Best Friends Sister Laura 12-11-2007 age 46
2 months later

My Father in Law Larry 02-10-2008
1 month later

My Sister's Mother in Law Mary 03-18-2008
3 months later

My Friend Rodney 06-10-2008 age 38
4 months later

My Best Friends brother Douglas 10-22-2008 age 50

I hate when my phone rings in the middle of the night, or there's a Knock, Knock, Knock on the door!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

39). D D D...

2009-09-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today is a BAD day for me.

I'm hurting .....
I want to cry!
I have Degenerative Disc Disease.
I should have never sat here for so many hours writing in the past couple of days.
Just having that compression on my lower back changes things for me.
It makes that Damn nerve go haywire.
Worse than a headache,
worse than a toothache,
I'd rather have a baby and go thru the delivery of giving birth.
Then have this on a daily basis!
I have had back troubles since 1994.
It's now 2009.
I'm better than I used to be but there's more to the story.

I'm in some serious pain....... I put on a good front. But I pay the price!

To be continued:

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

38). Wings!!!!!! Oh the Fabulous Wings!!!!!!

2009-09-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

Our Daughter Got her Wings from the USAF yesterday!

You may see nothing after these words.... But believe me look close!

You can see the smile on her Parent's faces!

37). Road Blocks!

2009-09-02T22:19:00.000-07:00

Deep Breath......

I suddenly realized how life has so many Wild Turns and Stop Signs and Green Lights and Road Blocks and Red Lights and, One Ways, and Delays and Re-scheduling- and Joys- and Rainbows and False Alarms, and Double Rainbows, and Storms, and Blue Skies, and Foggy nights,

I seriously have only been going along for the Ride.... I did not have the keys to my life. Someone else had them. Thank Goodness that was only temporary!

My Thought of the Day!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

Virgo!

2009-09-02T18:59:00.001-07:00

36). Eeenie meenie miney moe...

2009-09-02T16:56:00.000-07:00

So I put all my journals in a pile.... Closed my eyes and grabbed one....

This is what it says..

Written by my Cousin Jennifer:

11-22-1994

I'm sitting here in the hospital, waiting for Uncle Fritz because he is having open heart surgery. I feel very positive and I hope everything is perfect because Uncle Fritz is one of the most special people I know. If you ever want to have a good laugh, talk to Uncle Fritz.

Sherry was also a wonderful person. The think I remember most about Sherry, was spending the night at her house and watching scary movies. She also used to give me tons of make-up and jewelry that she kept in a big trunk. I will always love and remember Sherry.

Love,
Jennifer

11-22-1994

Written my by cousin Julie:

I've always heard the saying that you pick your friends, not your family. But if I could have chosen my family, I'd be right where I am today!

Aunt Carol, Kathy, Pennie, Jenny and myself are in the hospital waiting room-waiting for Uncle Fritz to come out of surgery. This is my family-my wonderful family. I consider my family to be friends too.

Kathy has taken me in as her little sister. I'd go crazy without her!

And unlike friends, families are connected through blood. this bond, along with love, is what makes a family strong.

I am so happy to be in this wonderful family! Forever!

Love,
Julie

11-22-1994

Written by my cousin Stephanie:

Kathy asked me to write something in here about my family and this is so very difficult for me, believe it or not, I mean... How do you express whats in your heart about those you love most in the world. Thinking of it last night made me cry myself to sleep remembering Sherry, sweet Sherry who left us all so quickly with no good-bye. One smile from her made me laugh and love her more. This is very difficult to write what I feel. I remember the last time I saw Sherry, I stopped by Aunt Carol's and Uncle Fritz's and Sherry was there, Her and I went to get KFC for dinner big mistake. Sherry and I took a little longer than we should have talking, that was so much fun.

Then there's always Uncle Fritz always telling his crude jokes. My friends will ever be grateful to him because of course I shared them all with them.
Well, it's over. Uncle Fritz is out of surgeryy and is doing well. Uncle Fritz. I love you very much. Thank you for loving me and being my family and my Godfather. Thank you,
I love you!

Stephanie

Written by me... Kiki.... 11-22-1994

Papa it's 8:00 p.m. We just visited you in the recovery room for the second time. You made us all laugh. We said for you to wiggle your toes and you did. then I held your hand and I could feel how warm you were. We said Everyone loves you and you stuck out your tongue. It was your was of communicating. You smelled so good. I heard the nurse say you had baby power on.

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

35). The brown paper lunch bag.....

2009-09-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

I think all kids growing up notice different things about different people. We noticed something about one of our friends that we would hang out with in Jr. High School... She just needed a little bit of help.......

So we decided to place a brown paper bag on her front porch and run for our lives so she would not know who had placed this special brown paper bag there. We never wanted to really hurt her feelings we just wanted her to smell better........

So in the paper bag we left toothpaste, deodorant, samples that we took from my Mom's huge collection of perfume. They were just those little square little sample things that you would peel open and throw away. We also had feminine products in there, a toothbrush, a hair brush and a Bar of Soap. I'm really not sure what else there was. That's what I remember...
All the years of knowing her not one of us was brave enough to tell her she needed to brush her teeth more, brush her hair more...... She just needed a little bit of secret help I guess. We took it upon our selves to give her the message with our brown paper bag that we left on her porch.

I did not want to mean or cruel about it and neither did my other friends that were in on it... We all contributed something...

We really had tons of fun with this girl..... We would hang out at her house after school and pick up the phone line and listen to PIPE LINE......... There used to be this thing on the phones back in the day, that if you picked up the phone at any time of the day you could hear other peoples phone conversations. You would hear people screaming and singing and telling strange stories and we just had a riot listening to crazy stuff on the phone when her Mom was at work... Then we also gave some prank phone calls.... There was no such thing as Caller ID back in the day so we knew we could not get into any trouble. We were just young silly kids with silly things to keep us occupied. We also would listen to Carol King and Carly Simon on her phonograph that played Albums. We would sing thru her house like we were Carol and Carly. It was fun stuff....

Well, one day....... She moved away. I had no idea where. She just never came to school again. So we all just basically went on with our lives and made new friends and had some really fun times at the Roller Rink, at the Ice Rink, at the Park, at the Pool.... We had tons of stuff to do growing up. It was a great place for us to live. Everything was in walking distance or riding our bike distance....

Well, I swear it had been about 25-30 years that went by and every time I would get together with my friends that helped with the brown paper bag way back in the day we would always wonder. Where the heck did so and so move to... No one ever heard from her, I always wondered how she turned out.... If she got married, if she had kids blah, blah, blah....

For some strange reason.... I rememberd her Mother's name. My little detective work.... I look in Obituaries and typed in her Mother's name and up came the Death announcement.. It stated her name and her sisters name and her Uncle..... I looked up the Uncle and found a telephone number. I called it and left a message and wondered if that was the relative of this person I was searching for........ Low and behold he called me back........ Told me Yes, he was the Uncle of the person I was looking for that I went to high school with, but he did not have a phone number for the person I was looking for. He was so kind and just wanted to talk to me.. He told me he was a professor and he he would have been there the day JFK passed away but he had a meeting he had to attend and he said things happen for a reason and he was so glad I was looking for his neice becaue she had a rough life and needed an old friend. The way he said, it..... I knew something was just not right.... He found her number and called me back later that week.

I called her..
Left a message...
She called me back...
She lived about 20 miles from me.. Never moved out of Michigan. But had a really rough life..
She wanted to see me.. So We set up a date the following week and she gave me directions to where she was living. I had no idea what she was going to look like. The last time I saw her she had braces......

OMG...... I was not prepared.... She looked so much older and she had no teeth and her belly looked like she was pregnant and her hair was so thin and not healthy looking and it really freaked me out for a minute. but.... I over looked that. I was the one that wanted to see what she had been doing the past 30 something years. WE never told her who put the brown paper bag on her porch back in the day. So...... I told her..... She laughed and said, She did not even remember that happening to her.
I cracked up... All these years I could not believe we did such a thing and then here she says she did not even remember it. It was just really funny.....

Well........ She did not have a checking account and asked me if I would cash a check for her that her Uncle had sent her. I rememberd talking to him on the phone and he was a professor at one time so I just trusted him I guess.. I remember taking her to the bank and withdrawing the money out of my account to give to her for the check and then depositing the check into our account. I was praying it was going to clear. It was alot of money! It did........ Then she asked me again...... But this time she wanted me to hold onto the money and slowly give it to her when she would call and need it.
So I did......
then in the middle of the night one night at about 4 in the morning the phone rang. It was so cold outside and snowing and I hate those middle of the night phone calls..... She was calling me to see if I would go to the ATM to get some of her money. I said, what in the world do you need money for at 4 in the morning, can't it wait until the morning so I don't have to get out of bed in the middle of the night. She, said, Please- My furnace is broke I really need to have money for the Furnace Repair man in the morning. So I did... I got up and went to the bank and waited for her to come to my house to pick up her money.
Then...... something hit me..... She was pulling up with some guy...... A creepy looking guy. I went to the back door and said, Here's your money...... I had a bad feeling... She said, Thank you and left.

Then......... 2 hours later the phone rings. She tells me I need to go to the bank again and get some more money. She thinks it's going to cost more for the Furnace guy and she wanted to make sure her furnace was fixed and she could cover the bill. I was not happy! So I went to the bank again...... It was not my money..... I knew how cold it was...... I did not want her to freeze to death....So here I am on my way to the bank again in the middle of the night! I could not believe what this girl was all about, I was so confused!

She comes to the back door to collect her money again and I just am looking at her with this puzzled look... I give her the money when she shows me her hands. They had burn marks on her fingers. I thought why are you showing me that, I want to go back to bed! I was not happy....
She said, Kathy, " I'm doing drugs and I need help".............
Holy Shit.........
I literally freaked out on the insides.... I begged her to not do the drugs, I told her she was such a sweet girl and I looked for her for 30 years plus, I did not want to lose her again. I did not know what to say!
I begged her to stay strong and that if she was doing drugs we could not be friends........

She left........ I went to bed..... 3 days later at 6 a.m. the phone rang. It was her. She was telling me that she was getting on a bus that morning and going to re-hab!

She's been clean and sober for 1 1/2 years now. I only really talk to her on the phone every once in awhile... I don't see her as she's in Re hab still..... I think that's what ya call it.... She lives with other women that are trying to stay clean and sober.

She called last week to tell me it's been a year and a half that she's been clean and she wants to go and do lunch!

I think we can!!
It's the least I can do for being so mean and putting a brown paper lunch bag of stuff on her porch.

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

34). More small world moments!

2009-09-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

So here is my daughter Shanelle..... She's in High School and she's going to bring her friend Burt over for the day.

Burt shows up and he's got a mohawk haircut that has got, I think Purple on it at the tips.
He's so friendly and funny we hit it off instantly!
I could so see why she liked him.
I was looking way beyond the haircut.
That stuff did not bother me...
That was just the outer shell of him just like a book I guess. His expressive personality!
My daughter liked him and that's all that mattered. Well they ended up dating and going out for quite awhile. He took her to the High School dance and they looked so sweet.

When we got to meet his parents one night. Burt introduced us and I almost fell on the floor. His Mother Karen and I used to work together!
She was as shocked as I was forsure, and we laughed and laughed about it.
Shanelle was just amazed..... We all got along famously and they just loved Shanelle like a daughter. When they moved to Florida I can't tell you how many times they paid for her to fly down to be with Burt and his family. They are so special to all of us now and always. I call Burt my Son.... He loves my spaghetti and it cracks me up so much... He does not even want the noodles, he wants a bowl of my homemade sauce and a spoon!

When he comes to visit.... I always make spaghetti sauce!

Steve and I went to visit him and his Mom and Dad in Florida one summer and Steve and I used their Condo right on the beach. It was fabulous. Steve and I would wake up every morning and walk the beach and just enjoy the waves of the ocean and the feel in the air and we were looking for little sea shells and little diffferent things on the beach. Just seeing what washed up ashore.... When we were stopped in our tracks...... Here comes this little plastic kid toy floating on the beach that went to some little kids play kitchen. It was a plastic blog of Spaghetti. I remember taking a picture of it..... It was really funny! Here I was in Burt's home town and there was spaghetti! funny stuff....

So yeah, small world.......... very small world I'm telling you!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

33). A Needle in a Haystack.

2009-09-01T19:11:00.001-07:00

It was after my sister died about a year and a half....... I was driving my car and for some reason it just had a mind of it's own that day.

I ended up at the driveway of where she used to live. That's same driveway where I last saw her. I pulled up in the driveway and knocked on the door. This lady came to the door and I said, I'm really sorry to bother you, but my Sister used to live in this house and I'm trying to find Mike and see if there's anything of my sister's that's still in this house. We were so afraid to go to that house after she passed away I don't think anyone went there. We were all just way too heartbroken.

The woman said, No, I'm sorry. Mike does not live here anymore but if there's anything that is here that was your sisters it would be out back. Everything is in the garage. She pointed in the direction of the garage and I walked over to it.... Hoping I would find something with her handwriting on it... Anything....

I was surprised at what I did find. It was a pile of wood from the re-modeling project that the new home owners were doing and I just started moving stuff with my feet. It was all too heavy to lift... I just kept slowly moving piles of scrap wood pieces until I could see the bottom of the garage floor. Then I saw this black book. It was big..... It looked familiar... It was my Grandmother's scrap book. I could not believe it. It was old and had torn pieces of paper around the edges of it. I set it aside. I then found a phone book with all kinds of numbers in it that was Mikes. I set it aside. Then there was some old bills in my sisters name. I set them aside. I picked up every little scrap piece of paper I could find. I ended up with a little bag of stuff. Nothing much but just papers. I wanted to see her handwriting one more time. I just needed to put closure on that house and I really just wondered what happened to all of my sister's belongings. My Grandfather's Cadillac, My Grandfather's Desk, My sister's jewlery box, My sister's anything..... There was nothing... except these little pieces of paper and the scrap book.

I told the woman Thank you for letting me take a little time to look.
I had no idea what I found until later..........

I took everything over to my Mom's house. I took each piece of paper and looked over everything. I opened up her little yellow phone book and looked over the names of the people that were in it.... I looked at the scrap book and saw little clipping of old new papers articles about my Grandmother's family. I loved it!

There was nothing other than that really...... But then....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I looked at the phone book again. I noticed a name. The name was Greg La ---
I blinked and looked again.
Yep it was Greg La ---

Something about that name was so familiar... I could not even put my finger on it. I just knew I had heard it before somewhere. I knew there was something so familiar about that name. I put the bag of little papers away and did not look at them again for months.

My Mom called one day and said, Bring that little bag of goodies you found at Sherry's old house and bring them over. So I drove out to Howell and opened the bag and dumped out everything on the table. That little phone book came flying onto the table. I opened it again and saw Greg's name again! Who is this Greg I kept asking myself. No other name in the entire phone book looked familiar.

Then it hit me........ I knew exactly where I heard that name.

Tina was pregnant when she was really young by a guy named Greg. She told me the story of her daughter Nicole and how she never saw her father Greg, or her Grandmother since she was born. Nicole was about 15 at the time. So she had not seen any of her real father's family since she was 15. I started freaking out. How the heck is Tina my girlfriend and...... how in the heck did my Sister's scary friend Mike know Greg?

I told my Mom and she said, " Kathy, ONLY YOU"......... So....... I came up with a plan...
I came up with plan to see if My Father could finally stop driving around Redford looking for Mike. I was afraid of what he would really do if he did find him. So....... I talked with my Mom and told her what I was just about to do.....

She loved it.... It was the only way to see if Mike was still alive.. My Parents needed to know!
I needed to be the one to help them out of their daily nightmare!
I wanted my Parent's happy again.
Not that I would be happy if I had heard anyone had died.... But that guy..... I guess I had to admit I had other reasons for wanting him gone. I wanted my Mom and Dad to be happy again. I wanted them to stop looking for him when they were on that side of town. They were looking for a needle in a haystack!

So I picked up the telephone and dialed Greg's phone number. Not knowing who was going to answer but.... I picked up the phone and when the female on the other end said hello.... My Detective abilities kicked in. I was on a mission for my parents happiness and I was going to make this work!

So this is what I did...

I said Hello my name is Kathy Wilson and I found a wallet with from Mike G. In the wallet there was this phone number for Greg. So I was wondering if there was any way you could get in touch with Mike so I could return his wallet. I found it at the restaurant on Telegraph Road.

The Woman on the other end of the phone said, I'm sorry my son Greg is not here right now he won't be back until the middle of the week, but I'll make sure I ask him. Can you please call me back next week. I said, " That would be perfect". I explained to her that I was at my Mother's out in Howell and that I would be back at my Mother's the same time next week. She said, alright, Kathy. Thank you for calling I'll be sure to pass along the message. She kindly said. "Goodbye", and I said Goodbye to her and Thank You.

That whole week it was crazy....... I talked to Tina everyday...
I did not tell her that I had talked to the Grandmother of her daughter's Father.
I was so freaked out about it and I just think it probably would have freaked her out too....
I was not going to tell the Grandmother anything about Tina or Nicole. I was just trying to find out if Mike G., was alive! Not only that, how in the world was I going to explain to Tina that I was doing it for my Parent's sanity!

I drove out to my Parent's house the following week. My Father was at the kitchen table doing crossword puzzles just like he loved to do.

My Mom was in her room looking at her pretty pen collection.

I took the phone book that I found out in my sisters garage and opened it to Greg's phone number. I dialed the number. Greg's Mother answered. I said, " Hello Mrs. -----
This is Kathy, I spoke with you last week about the wallet I found." She said, I'm sorry Kathy, I talked to my son Greg and she told me Mike G. Recently died of a Drug overdose..... I could not believe it.... I could not in my wildest dreams believe it. I know my eyes were wide open and I was speechless. I thanked her for the information and told her Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I probably was stuttering.

I hung up the telephone and told my Mom...... Mom..... He died of a Drug overdose. Mike G. Died... She went running out into the living room and told my Dad the news. They were jumping up and down like kids! I think they were happy they no longer had to drive around looking for him, and........ maybe he got what he deserved. I know they blamed him for my sister's death. I know it for a fact!

Then............ I felt guilty for lying to Tina's, daughter's Grandmother..... The one she never knew...

So...... I picked up the phone and called her back.
I said Mrs. ---- this is Kathy again. I had to call you back because you don't even know this but you helped my family so much today with the information you just gave us, that I had to call you and tell you some information that I know about your Grandaughter Nicole. I think I could just hear the silence. I quickly explained that Tina was one of my best friends and I acutally have gotten to spend many years with Tina and Nicole and that, Nicole is absolutely beautiful. She was tall and beautiful and she was doing great in school. The Grandmother loved my honesty and said something to me that I will never forget. She told me when Nicole was a baby she only saw her a few times, but remembered that she had big hands and beautiful lips, and that she always would look for Nicole in crowds of people hoping to see her one day. I said, well..... Tina has no clue that I called you, it's all so freaky I think and if you want me to, I'll tell Tina the story about the wallet and the reason we had to call you and let her know that you want to see Nicole. She loved it.... She loved it so much, I bet she was doing the same dance in her living room, like my parents were doing in their living room. One was jumping for a life she had not seen in so many years, and the other I was watching them jump around for the life they just wanted gone, gone, gone..... It was a very sur-real moment. I surely felt like a detective and a God Send at the same time.

Then I made the Phone call to Tina........................... She said, " Kathy, ONLY YOU!"

Nicole and her Grandmother and Nicole's father did meet.............. AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

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32). One more sign from ?????

2009-09-01T17:08:00.000-07:00

So, I just signed onto facebook and typed in the date I was born and it came back with this...... Everyone does that sort of thing. It's fun. What the heck!

Yesterday it said that I have guardian angels in the shape of Orbs.... I liked that...

My Birthday Results....

I WAS BORN ON A THURSDAY!

- Exuberant and Cheerful
- Deep Thinker
- Good Sense of Humor
- Understanding nature
- Faithful towards family, friends and your love
- Easy Going
- Attractive Personality
- Generous
- Amiable
- Ambitous

Then....... I took it one step farther and checked out my horoscope....

Today. September 1, 2009.

LIFE SPEEDS UP WHEN YOU DISPLAY NEW SKILLS THAT YOU NEVER REALIZED YOU'D EVER POSSESS, STAY POSITIVE ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR LIFE AND USE QUIRKY HUMOR TO QUELL ANY FEARFUL IMPULSES OR OVERREACTIONS.

Whoa...... I just have to say that one more time......... Whoa!

Then I took it one step farther and looked up the WORD OF THE DAY....

Posit- ( Verb)
1- To Dispose or set firmly: FIX
2- To Assum or affirm the existence of: POSTULATE
3- To propose as explanation: SUGGEST

French word of the day.

Dijon (Noun)

1- An industrial city in Eastern France N. of Lyons

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

31). Big Bad Bold Beautiful Bitch!

2009-09-01T15:44:00.001-07:00

Seriously people.....

Exposing yourself has a new meaning to me today right now right this Gosh Darn funny, funny moment.

My, Yogi is on the computer and on the phone with me at the same time, she's so Killing my head!
Killing my head I tell you...
She's laughing that funny evil laugh that I know so well.
I can't even get into my car and kick her butt.
Honestly... she's pulling a huge FUNNY on me today and I'm not liking it very much!

She's in Alabama right now and she's telling me she's going to post some pictures of me in a Bikini.. How could she!!!!!!!!!

How can I get my hands around her throat right this minute.... only kidding!!!!
Does, she not know???
Does, she not know that I'm one of those people.---THAT I HAVE----

( I see myself differently Disease).........

I'm skinny in my mind!........ But we all know otherwise!

If you could see me having the hugest belly laugh people right at this moment you would be on the floor laughing..... I can't believe how funny she is.......

Tina.......... don't you dare! don't you dare!

Seriously,
I obviously see myself in a different light.
I know I'm damn beautiful,
I know I'm damn sexy,
I know I'm damn sassy,
I know I'm a huge Brat with a capitol B.
I know that I'm wild and crazy.
I know I'm a Big Bold
Beautiful Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH..... I'm going to pee my pants in a minute from laughter!

Listen to this.
Tina and I went to the Eagle's club one night back in the day... We were singing Karaokee and having the time of our lives just being wild and crazy girlfriends. She was my ex boyfriends girlfriend and I just loved her..... totally!
She is way funny and silly like me.

But you have to understand we looked good. We were rocking the house....
Tina and I were just having fun and people were listening to us sing and clapping after we sang, we felt like we were Rock Stars I swear!
At least I did!!!! ha! ha! ha!

We would have the greatest time truly entertaining the crowd.
She was in the Band with Jim and singing and Steve and I would go see her and Jim and Debbie and that guy that looked like Prince, I foget his name, but I sure could appreciate how he got down on the guitar!
....... ohhhhh it was a fun fun time in life!!!!!

So---- Tina and I get done singing.......
We both go to the ladies room we are just cracking up while I was in the one stall and Tina was in the other stall...
I closed the door and said something to the effect that "------- I'm such a Big, Bold, Bad Beautiful Big Bitch", or something like that..... Well, when I came out of the stall to go and wash my hands,
This BIG Bad, Big Bitch is looking at me...

She say's ".... Did you just call me a Bitch"? I started cracking up! I said, oh NO, I was talking about ME.... She really had that look of she wanted to start a fight. So I said, How can I call you a Bitch when I did not even know you were in the bathroom. I was talking to my Girlfriend in the next Stall..
This Big Bitch---still had this evil look.. I mean nasty....
I thought I was going to see stars any minute....
That was going to be my ROCK STAR moment.....
But I somehow convinced her that I really was talking about me.

Well, we ended up leaving the ladies room and no one was hurt..... Tina just cracked up and said, " Girlfriend, ONLY YOU!"

Well, years after that Tina and I would still say the Big Bad, Bold, Beautiful Bitch stuff and just laugh and laugh and laugh..... She to this day tells me I got LUCKY!

So years later........ I'm going to Las Vegas with my Mom. We are at the Airport that's not even close to the town I live in... My Mom and I were both so excited to be taking a Mother Daughter trip together. It was for the weekend, and it was going to be just so fun...

We get our boarding passes, we walk the tarmack and get on the plane. Who's on that plane with My Mom and I.......

You guessed it...
That Big Bad Bold Bitch.......... with her Mother!
She was there the night that bathroom situation went down...... Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the whole plane went silent!
Then she actually gave me the biggest smile and I cracked up!
She said, "Hey Bitch..... Good Luck in Vegas!"
It was a moment that was just too funny...... Small world I'm telling you!

See how little things in life are connected..... Even if it by a bikini string..!

69 degrees of seperation?
This world is smaller than we think!!!!

You never know who you will run into and where...... I seem to run into some pretty interesting people! Even if it's far from home!

I just don't want to see myself posted in a bikini anywhere on a post... So if she does post it people.... You have been warned! Close your eyes and don't look if you love me! LOL LOL

I'm honestly ....... sinking into the seat of this chair thinking how could she do this to me?
She's loving every minute of it too! ooohhhhhh she's such a funny bad girlfriend!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh grrrrrrrrrrrr I'm grinding me teeth trying to just accept that.... She's pulling a Funny and I don't think it's funny! but it really is... what ever! right.... We are who we are. I love me and that's all that matters.....

I'm going to kiss myself right now on my arm! LOL LOL LOL
Bikini body or not!

I'm going to shake what my Momma gave me Damn it! Anytime and anywhere I want!

That's my crazy story of the day and I'm sticking to it!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

30). This by far is not a P.Party ......!

2009-08-31T23:48:00.000-07:00

I can jump around here on my Blog A Book, because it's mine.........

I should go to bed and get some sleep.............. I just can't. I need to get out all the bad stuff and start over with life.
It's my choice.
It's never to late to start over...

This is by far not a friggin pitty party...... I don't want any sympathy, I'm not looking for a damn this by this Blog A Book... I just want to write a true story. I read books...... I read what people say and how they say it..... I'm not a true author with perfect writing skills, but I hope my words you read are making you all just understand me just a little bit more.

Maybe it will be a good book some day and maybe a movie..... who knows?

If I could hand pick someone to play me......... I'd have to say Jodi Foster, or Calista Flockheart.
LOL don't ask me why... I just thought it would be so cool to say that! LOL

I hear music and listen to the lyrics and people sing songs about worse stuff...... They make movies about worse stuff.....

I have always loved true stories and this is my true life story.....

I just can't believe there's even more to write about........ Wow.......... I have lived a crazy life!

don't you agree?

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

29). .If I tell him...... what will he say to me?

2009-08-31T22:22:00.001-07:00

This totally changed my life...........
and hers,
and her familys and
her childrens..... and her husband!

Not only did the lightning freak me out so bad but something else was on my mind. When I would be in Church.
Something huge, so huge I could not carry it anymore.
I had to talk to someone, I had to say what I knew and I had to ask for help in dealing with this information I had.....

Now..... what I'm about to say was pretty heavy on my heart for a very long time. I had no idea what to do about it,
where to go with it,
or what.
I just knew that I could no longer carry the heavy burden one minute longer.

I told you about going to Church and Thanking GOD for sparing us any injuries during the bad storm at the campground... That was a really big scare in my life. But there was something else that only I knew...... and it scared me so bad! Still does....

How do I start this one..... ??

Okay here goes.......

I went to the bar one night with a friend of mine..... We were dancing and having fun and just enjoying life. Not knowing how much of her life was going to be left. I loved this person so much that I was not afraid to be with them I was not afraid to hang out with them unlike what all the news papers were saying.....

Magic Johnson had just came out and said he had it on national T.V.

A year or so prior to this night....................... of dancing-

We were driving to go see Kelly and Company on T.V. We were going to be in the Audience and she was driving because she was the one that knew how to get to the show.
She lowered the visor in the car and looked at me and said, "I'm positive."

I looked back at her and said what do you mean you are positive?

She looked at me while driving and said," she had the test and it came back positive."
I still did not understand what she was saying.
Then it hit me.
Like a brick building falling on top of me.

She was calm cool and collected about it.
I was tongue tied, I had no idea what to say......
I knew that her husband was really sick with the same thing and he was taking the AZT drugs.
She told me she was not going to take the AZT drugs.

I was still speechless... I know that's hard to believe, but believe me when I say this. I was speechless, but what was racing thru my brain was HOLY CRAP, Not Her! NO..... She's an innocent victim.....
She loved him,
She married him,
She had his children,
She got this from loving him........ OMG
What about her kids......
She was pregnant again.......
The heaviness in my heart at that moment was honestly unreal, unbelievable and so unfair!

that's exactly what I was thinking.....

I was so afraid........ When she would come over and visit. I hid my toothbrushes... I have only told a few people this, but I panicked, Don't ask me why I did it, It was just something I did out of panic and fear and the unknown.
I mean totally down right panicked and then.....

I realized what if it had been me..... how would she treat me?????

I knew her since 7th grade.

I remember her telling me she had never had a bath when I first met her, and the look on my face was like,
What are you talking about???? I remember her laughing so hard! She got me on that one forsure! How could someone never have a bath? I just could not put two and two together back then.
It was funny at the time, you just had to be there!

Her parents did not own a bathroom that had a bathtub.
They only had a shower. She cracked up and me looking at her like dang girl, you never have had a Bath! It was crazy..... I wonder how many people she said that too before me?

I remember the first time in 7th grade and I spent the night at her house. I had never seen a bat, and the bats were flying around her house like crazy.

I can still hear the way her floors creeked in the house she lived in with her Mom and Dad and siblings. Lot's of siblings!

I remember the first time I saw her do the dishes and she put them on the stove to dry with the flame turned really low. Her mother cooked with those wrought iron pans and that's how she dried them so they did not rust.

I remember her mom taking us out to dinner and she got mad that I did not eat my French Fries with a Fork.

I remember her Mom beating her with a metal hanger when they moved out to S. Lyons and I spent the night. Her Mom drove me to school the next morning and actually pulled up over the curb and dropped me off at the front door of the school..... She was a crazy lady. I say that honestly! She was nice, but she was harsh and really this down right mean side to her. Especially when it came to my friend.

I remember when we both walked the 20 miles and had blisters on our feet for weeks.

I remember when her husband locked her in a closet. I think the scary sickness had gotten in his brain.

I remember when she started her period for the first time and had to ask her big brother to drive us to the store to pick up sanitary napkins for her.

I remember when she moved away and I came to visit and we went into that old barn and she taught me how to whistle with my hands pressed together and only moving my fingers it would make me whistle like a Dove. It was awsome. It took me forever to get my hands right and do it like she could, but I did it and to this day I still know how...

I remember when she moved to her Dad's house in Taylor and I had to change her phone number again in my address book...

I remember when she moved out to W. Bloomfield and I had to change her number again in my phone book.

I remember when she moved out to Ortinville and I had to change her number again in my phone book.

I remember when she lived with this guy and he was a magician and she was his assistant. He was much older than her. He was her love way before her husband. He had his whole living room filled with magical stuff and when I would come over they would do magic shows and ask me my opinion.

I remember us taking a picture of us licking a huge candy cane at Christmas time.

I remember her hair being so long and so curly when she did not dry it.....

Every damn memory I had of her came flooding through my brain when she told me she was positive.
Time stood still but then it didn't..........

I remember when she told me her father sexually touched her.

I remember the time when her Mother would take the phones out of the house and not let her use the phone when her mother was out of the house.

She had it so bad........... I just wanted to be her friend and make her laugh and laugh and laugh....

I lived up to that because I knew she was sick, but we still went out dancing, we still hung out in my living room, we still sat by the lake when she was so sick, we still did everything just the same.........

Except..... She left the bar with someone that night....... That night we went dancing... I did not know they were going to sleep together.. I had no idea that was going to happen. I had no idea if they used a condom. I had no idea.......

Until she wrote me a letter.....
Told me how badly she just wanted love after her husband died.
Told me she did not use a condom.....

I died on the insides........ I felt like I should have warned the guy she was dancing with that if she asked him to go home with her not to..
I never did. It was not my place.
I did not know if she would do something like that or not....

Wow.......
It made me question our friendship for along time...... How could she do that to someone?
I know his name....
I looked it up online to see if he was dead.....

He is......

I went to the Priest in confession, and told him my story of not warning him with the information that I had that night that we danced at the bar Many years ago and my fear of him dying too.. Because my friends choice.....

He told me something that I will never forget......... This Priest was just what I needed in my life!

He said, "I know a lot about a lot of people that I'm not allowed to say".

Those words changed my life...... I carried the burden of that for years...

I know this post is hard for people to understand or what ever it may be.. But I'm telling you the truth. I was the best friend to her no matter what! Till the day she died in Hospice....
She was the greatest person ever, she just..............

I don't even know what to say... I still have a tough time. I think I really do!

I mean no disrespect to anyone in this post........ I had to write it, I had to say it. I had to tell you about it and how hard it was to have something like that and not knowing what to do with it.

I went to the right person and that's the only thing that get's me thru it.

I so apologize if this has hurt anyone that may read it........

All I can say is.......... Thank God for her beautiful Children!
The unborn baby......
Fully grown, fully healthy and negative..
Something about the antibodies....
I can't even remember how that all worked out..... I was there in the hospital when the baby was born....
I had just had a baby and it was different......... way different. She was in an isolated corner room.... Gloves everywhere........

I drove home from that day and cried.......

I was there when she took her final breath!

I still love her to this day!

Wow............................................................ that's some pretty deep stuff...... So friggin true that's all I can say!

She no longer had to live a rough ass life....... She went thru so much, so much so much! I saw everything........................ I mean everything!

I had nightmares...... scared me bad....

Kathy--------- just let it go........... I'm telling myself this right now! Deep Breath!

Her Mother never even showed up at her Funeral.....
Her Mother never called to say I hope you are having a good day,
Her Mother did nothing... She died without her Mother's love and support...

Now they both are gone...... I hope they settled their differences on the other side.

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

28). When all you see is white and smell the fire! Run Fast!!!

2009-08-31T20:40:00.000-07:00

Now I'm going a little farther back to the year 1991. I had three little ones.... My husband and I always went camping with the kids every summer. Sometimes we went with Jim and Tina and other times we went with Dean and Sheri. It always seemed like something was bound to happen. I never expected this in a million years.

I sorta had a bad feeling that night...
It was 4th of July weekend.
We had been planning this camping trip with Dean and Sheri and we packed the cars and headed out. Dean packed his car before work and went to work that night on the evening shift at his job.

Well, Sheri packed her own car and set up camp while Dean was at work. When he got to the Campground, low and behold there was an extra Tent. Dean packed one and so did Sheri. So we took advantage of it and set it up for Shanelle and Chellsea. That would give us more room in our tent for the Playpen for Joshua and our air mattress and all the home away from home things that I just can't live without while camping. I never rough it.... I have always been an over packer and I think someone needs to teach me how to pack. It's the funniest thing ever! I'm gone for a week and bring 10 pairs of shoes. I might want to wear a pair! I think I'm getting better about packing but I'm sure other people would totally disagree.

So we set up the tent for Shanelle and Chellsea and had a fun day at the Campground. Dean left for work and we got the girls to bed that night, and they were sleeping like little angels in their cozy tent.
Shanelle was 7 and Chellsea was 4. I knew they were little to be separated from us for the weekend, but their tent was right next to ours and I would barely sleep that night because I knew I was going to have that mother's ear hoping no one would unzip that tent and kidnap our baby girls. Mom's have that fear of out of site children something bad happening. Even though we were safe and Sheri's Tent was next to theirs. I still just had this...... feeling.....

Joshua was almost turning one in a couple of months. We put him to sleep in his playpen and he fell asleep like a little angel too from all that fresh air. We had the fan in our tent to blow the hot air around, I thought we would really be having a fun weekend at the Campground with our Dear Friends... But the storm had other ideas!

Like I said, the kids were sound asleep. I decided I wanted a baked potatoe with a sausage in the middle of it wrapped up in aluminum foil and set in the fire to cook. I carved out the middle of the potatoe, put my sausage in it and wrapped it up and set it in the fire. I told Steve to get me up when it was done, I was just going to go lay down for a few. I knew we wanted to hang out by the fire that night and have some drinks and giggles, but.... I felt so tired and needed a little rest. I got under the covers ontop of our air mattress and just sorta rested for a little bit. I actually was having a weird feeling. I was aware of where our tent was. Under a tree, and I could hear a distant storm heading our way. It sounded like bowling in the sky. It was pretty far away but I was praying it was heading in a different direction. We were in a tent and that's not much protection from a storm, and if it was a huge storm... We were in trouble! I laid on the air mattress all cozy and comfy but this thought just kept coming over me. It was..... What if lightning hits the tree and it falls on us while we are sleeping. I told myself to not sleep on my stomach or I won't be able to breathe. Then, the next thought was what if the lightning hits the tree and falls on us. I re-asurred myself in my mind and said, if the tree falls I'll sleep on my back so I can breathe if the tree falls on us. I know it sounds strange, but it's true..... I could hear the faint sprinkles of rain hitting the top of our tent... but it was nothing. We did not need an umbrella or anything like that, it was just a little drizzle I guess...

Steve got me up after a few minutes and said my yummy potatoe was done. So I unzipped the tent and went and ate the most delicious fire side baked potatoe with the sausage in the middle. It was so good because the potatoe actually tasted like sausage. I ate it and enjoyed every bite.

The bowling sound of the storm was getting a lot closer. The rain started to be more than just a drizzle. The winds picked up and we were in for one heck of a storm. We were running out of time and we rushed around and put anything that would get ruined away and covered up. We rolled up the windows of the car, we took all the dry towels off the line and just hurridly ran around camp and put things away.

Sheri went to her Tent, Dean was still at work.

Steve and I went to our tent where Joshua was in his playpen sleeping so soundly. We had that fan hooked up in the window and Steve thought it would be a good idea to unhook the fan and unplug it from the extension cord and then hurry up and zip the window back up to not let the rain it. I was more interested in shining the flashlight around the tent looking for mosquitoes that I did not want them to bite me in the middle of the night. He yelled at me and said, " Damn it Kathy, shine that flashlight over here so I can untie the knot and get this fan out of the screened tent window. So, I quit looking for mosquitoes and shined the light on the window so he could untie the fan. As soon as he untied the fan and set it on the ground.. We heard............ CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! saw nothing but white for it seemed like minutes and then smelled fire. I could not see anything but white. I could not hear anything the crash deafened me, The next thing I heard was, Steve swearing and panicking to get out of the tent and check on Shanelle and Chellsea in the tent next to us.
He ran out of that tent so fast and I could hear him swearing and panicking and the girls were screaming and crying and me, I was rocking on top of the air mattress with my hands folded and feeling like Dorothy on the Wizard of Oz saying to myself over and over and over, I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home. I could barely move and it all happened so fast. When the white light went away and I could see that we were all still alive I tried to lean over Joshua's play pen and scoop him up into my arms. I stopped in my tracks. I did not know if the metal around the playpen was electrified and if I touched it I was going to get a huge electrical shock of my life. I did not care at that moment. I just wanted Joshua in my arms. He was sound asleep and did not even wake up when I leaned over the playpen gingerly not touching the sides. I just touched him...... I grabbed him up so fast and just rocked with him. I was not going to go outside in that storm, No way.... Next thing I knew Steve was huffing and puffing and flew into our Tent and said some words that I dont' even remember. He had his robe on and it was soaking wet, he carried the girls to our car and got them inside, he was comming back for Joshua and I....
He flew into that tent so fast and scooped us up and got us into the car. We left everything. Sherri had heard the storm comming and was already in her car before the lightning struck..... And saw the whole thing from her car. I was in the car but it felt like a bad dream. The girls were crying, I was crying, Steve was panicking and ran back to the tent and got my purse and car keys. We left everything at the campground. We drove home and Sheri followed us as she left everything at the campground also.

We drove the hour home and that whole time, I was clenching the seat belt, hyper ventalating, not being able to breathe....... I looked over at Steve and he was driving the Car Naked....... His robe was so soaking wet, I still don't know where he put it, or threw it or anything. We were on the way home and we still could not hear anything but the ringing in our ears and seeing the flash of the lightning and the smell of fire. When that happens you run for your life... That's just what we did! I was hoping we were not going to get pulled over by the police on the way home, How could we even explain my naked husband driving the car in the middle of the night..

When we got home and got the girls in their beds and Joshua in his bed Sheri, Steve and I were in the house pacing, doing circles, going absolutely insane saying OMG, OMG, OMG. We were a wreck! Steve and Sheri and I were so mentally and physically drained the only thing we could think of to do was just settle down. Just settle down, that's all we kept thinking about.

Well, before we left for camping when we locked up the house to go, I leaned down and petted the new little white kitty that my girlfriend Genette had given to us. She was really super sick and could not take care of the cat. So I said yes, We only had the cat for a couple of days. When I was petting the cat, I saw something come out of it's butt. It was worms........ I screamed and threw that cat out of the house so fast he did not know what hit him. So the whole time we were camping I thought the cat would run away and find a new home. I was not going to tell Genette that, but that's what I was wishing for.

Well, Shanelle's room was just off the living room and she had a twin size water bed. Mom and Dad had one and she wanted one too. So here's Steve in the water bed, here's me in the water bed and here's Sheri in the water bed. The three of us were not going to leave each others sides for nothing that night.

We had Shanelle's bedroom window open. It's one of those windows that pushes out with some metal thing and then you fold the metal thing behind the other metal thing and it just opens the window just enough to get some air thru the window.

It opened just enough for that white cat to jump up onto the screen and cause this sound that made us all re-live the moment of the lightning. We all jumped out of that little tiny water bed and were doing circles around the house, it was totally like re-living that awful moment. Steve was hyperventalating this time. Sheri was crying, me...... I was a mess. Total panic attack and I knew I could not settle down it was the worst feeling ever. Sheri actually drove me to the hospital where they gave me some sort of valium or something. I was so relieved that no one in my family was hurt, and my girlfriend Sheri was fine.... It was all way too much for any of us grown adults!

When Sheri got me back home we all crawled back into that water bed and fell asleep. I don't remember a damn thing. I was out cold!

The next morning..... Steve and Sheri said to me, " Stay here Kathy, Steve and I are going to go back to the campground and go get all of our camping stuff. It was still really early in the morning and the kids were still sleeping. I just laid in bed and sobbed and Thanked GOD a million times for Sheri and Dean for bringing that extra tent. The fire in our tent was right at the spot between our air mattress and Joshua's playpen. I shiver at the thought saying that our daughter air mattress would have been in the spot where the fire was. Or so I thought......

Later that morning Steve and Sheri showed up back in our driveway. When they got out of the car and came in the house. The look on their faces said it all....... It was not good!
Steve said to me, " Kathy, I'm so glad you did not go back to the campground this morning, you would not have wanted to see what we saw. He held up his hat that he wore that day, it had melted and burned where the rivots were, he held up the baby food jars that we had for Joshua and each top of the baby food jars where there was a metal top was totally melted and and burned, he told me that Joshua's playpen was all scortched and burnt and that there were two burn holes in the tent, an enterance burn and an exit burn. I cried....

I then realized that all the diapers we had got all wet and I needed to go to the store and get some diapers. I got into the car and drove to Meijers just down the road from us. When I got to Meijer's I could see the sky turning green from another stom, so I hurried up and ran to the diaper department and wanted to get my butt out of there fast. That's when the power went out in Meijer's and I right that moment peed my pants from fear! It was just too soon, to scary for me.... Then the power came back on and I paid for the diapers and stood at the door to get out of Meijer's. I told GOD please give me strengh to get back to the car and not get hit by lightning. I can so remember standing next to the car with the key to the car in my hand and panicking because I was holding a metal key. My hand was shaking so bad I could barely get that key into the keyhole. Then when I did and got into the car, I immediately thought of all the power lines that I had to drive under on the way home. I was so scared at this moment I was shaking like a leaf. I decided to go the back roads so I did not have to pass under one power line. I was not going to take any chances. The whole ride home I prayed, and prayed and prayed. By the time I got into our driveway the storm was here and I could not get out of the car. I sat there for a few minutes and Steve was at the back door looking at me waiting for me to get out of the car and come inside. I could not do it..... I could not move, I was frozen scared!

Next thing I knew he was like superman. He came out the back door with this big blue blanket and opened up the car door and helped me out and I seriously think he carried me in. I was in tears with these wet pants on that I had just peed in at Meijer's and I was a mess.... A total friggin mess!

I got washed up and clean clothes on and then the storm was getting worse by the minute. It was here and right on top of us! I yelled for Steve to take the kids next door and to go into Grandpa Wilson's basement. Steve took Shanelle and Chellsea and Sheri took Joshua and ran next door. When it was my turn to run next door........ I looked at the back screen door and stood there not able to touch it. It was metal. I could not touch metal..... I was afraid, I thought I had this electrical current running thru me or something. I think being afraid so bad, my mind just told me Don't touch it! So there I stood at the door unable to open it and run for cover.

We were on the front page of the newspaper the next day........ I should have kept a copy of that article and post it now, but........... I did not want it... I did not want a reminder of what had happened to us. I wanted to forget it so fast. But I could not. To this day if it rains really hard and there's lightning, I won't be on the phone, I won't touch anything metal and I'm like a scared Momma all over again.. Total Traumatizing for this Momma!

That's when I knew I needed help with handeling things in my life. I needed to Thank God for sparing me and my children and my husband and girlfriend from harm.

I went to Church and got a sponsor and became Catholic. It was soooooooooo what I needed. I needed to Thank GOD...... I did..

That's when I also went to Confession..............

Yes I did....... I'm going to share with you something that I told the Priest. You are not going to believe what he told me............

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

27). The Finish Line

2009-08-31T16:54:00.000-07:00

I have to admit writing these past few days and exposing my emotional hardships is not easy, it's actually a reminder of all the things that I want to forget. It's easy for me to say forget about it......!! But I can't.. I can finally let it go but I won't forget about it and all I can say is I really think there's been a black cloud over my entire family many years even before I was thought of.
I was pre-disposed to some things in my life for sure. I think even being so sensitive, being so.... worried about what people think, being so....... giving... being so.... who the heck knows. I just know a few things in life and the things that I know forsure are....
People have things.....
Baggage, life experiences,
Grief,
hardships,
freight,
fears,
lonliness,
all those things in life that we can't control.....
I just am saying that my life was OUT OF CONTROL...
That to me was the hardest part.
Everything that happened to me.
I did not do myself....
It was from everyone else's wheelbarrow of shit that they had to put me through.
I mean really.
I was under anesthesia when they operated on the wrong area of my spine,
I was in the right lane with my blinker on when that damn truck hit me and made me take the crunch in the crunch zone of my entire body and life..
I did not tell you about the other stories and those are to come,
I'm just a a wild moment right now as to what to write about...
I said from the start that I was going to start from the beginning and here I am re-living the 1990's.
I think they really sucked the worst I guess.
Those are the years that changed my life and my dreams.
But.....
Maybe I learned from it.
Maybe I have to really listen to myself and find out why that happened to me.
I'm a much better person.
I have slowed down alot and had alot of time that past couple of years to reflect and.....
try to really figure out why am I here.
Why was I put in this place called earth? What is my role in life other than being a wife and mother,
what in the world am I doing?
I don't just want to take up space and do nothing.
I just don't know what that something is people.
I'm trying to listen to my inner self so bad these past few months.
I think I know why....

I'm afraid..

Yeah.... There's this damn thing in our family that's freaking me out and I can't help but think about it, it's just the way I am... So... I know it's not up to me.. I have no choice. And I'll do anything in my power to prevent it, but... I'm still deep down a little bit afraid... It's all out of my control. I know it.... I just don't like it! The unexpected... I don't want any unexpected stuff!

I do know....
I don't want--

HISTORY TO REPEAT IT'S SELF!

It's all in the numbers.... I love numbers. I think I get it from my Mother. She always hated the number 13.. I was born on the 13th so I never liked it when she would say that...

She never liked the number 49.

Her Grandfather died at 49
Her Father died at 49
Her Brother died at 49

I'm almost 47 in two weeks and it really is freaking me out, I think I'm having this rush of madness in my own skin to hurry up and get 49 over with... But then I need to tell myself... LOL Okay, Kathy- settle down. You had 5 years taken from you in a sense of the word so slow down and relax, like I have some sort of control of my own body clock---- I tell myself that losing those 5 years to pain and not fun... I actually can deduct 5 years from my birth date and that would make me almost 44. yeah,... that' works for me...

But it's my brother. He's 48....... almost that dreaded bad number 49..... His health is a medical mystery at this point. He's still on Dialysis, he's had diabetes since High School. He looks great.. I just wish someone could tell me that he can live a long time on Dialysis. Please let him make it past the 49th Birthday...... OMG...... I'm having a little panic attack. I know what it is right.... now.

I have had too much grief for one person!
But so have other people.... Why am I the one that feels the way I do about it. I feel lost without those most special people in my life. They are the one's that grew up with me, the one's that cared for me the most..... No one knows you like your family and when you lose your family and have a fear of losing your family... It's an awful thing. I just need to really stop being afraid of what's ahead. I just don't want any more BAD THINGS!!! ... I want good things to happen. I want to sleep good, feel good, love good, smile good, just do good things I guess. Whatever........ I'll figure it out! HOLIDAY'S ARE THE WORST............... what I would give to have one more Christmas with my family. I must be selfish... I want them back in my life.... I want each and every person that passed away that I loved so much back.... Who am I kidding. I know there is not a magic wand for that. I just have to live on the fact that my day will come and when it does, I hope I'm prepared.. I'M NEVER GOING TO MAKE A BUCKET LIST..... BUT......
maybe I should just have an I love you because list!

Is this what you call a MID LIFE CRISIS.. I'm giggling right now hoping and praying I don't have to go thru that too! Getting older has so many challenges.....

I don't have to explain what I think and feel every moment do I ??? LOL
This is MY BLOG A BOOK so I can basically say and do and write what ever the heck I want.

I can't control my fingers as I type this stuff, it's like I'm being taken over my this inner writer that has so much to say and her fingers are just tapping at the keys and she's in this zone....... I'm in this writers zone people.... I seriously woke up at five this a.m. and had to write. It's crazy I can't even explain it.

Can I call my life a Twilight Zone.... yes! It even started out like a Twilight Zone.... For my Mother anyways. !!!

Here she was in the kitchen at 16430 Fullerton in Detroit. She was re-arranging the kitchen with her Mother Beaulah Pauline. My Mother decided to move the refrigerator at 7 months pregnant and went into labor and delivered ME....... in the bathroom on Fullerton. Yep... I was premature weighing only 2 pounds 13 ounes. My Uncle Paul always told me . " He could hold me in the palm of his hand".

So maybe me being born in a bathroom pre-disposed me to having a bunch of shitty experiences? I sure hope not! It's funny but not funny! I do try to make the best of every situation ya know, Atleast I do have that going for me! I do see the Postive in everything. Maybe I'll get a Tatto that says that. Or maybe just a plus sign...... LOL

No..... I have a Turtle Tatoo. I got in when my daughter Chellsea turned 19 we went down to Fort Meyer's, Florida and BIG DADDY gave Chellsea her Rose Tattoo she picked out and me..... My Turtle Tattoo. He's a little guy with a big job!!!! His name is VERN. He follows me where ever I go and he also always has my back. Turtles have 13 moons on their backs, and they move slower but they DO CROSS THE FINISH LINE........ I So I'm creeping along slowly with Vern each and everyday and always know.... I'll be alright with his little bit of Turtle Love.

Okay.... I'm taking a watermelon break. Ummmmmmmmmm Thanks Ted for putting it on my kitchen counter today.
Thanks Ted for being so sweet to me since you moved in next door. I adore you and Cindy and Bailey so much! Thanks for your support on days like this when I'm just struggling... struggling to make life great again. xoxoxo

xoxo Just wanted to send some Kiki love your way.. I know you living next door to me is probably a bit over whelming at times with you trying to figure me out. LOL I'm cracking up because I'm over here trying to do the same damn thing with my self.

I'll be alright! I have no other choice in life. I just hope the rest of my life is way better than some of the really bad years in life. There, I said it! Hope GOD hears me!

I love my Book A Blog and that's my story and I'm sticking to it.....

To be continued.

© Kik LaFleur-Wilson

26). Do I miss you?

2009-08-31T13:53:00.000-07:00

I just walked back from my brother in law and sister in laws next door.... I had to share with them the funny, funny mail I got today. Just in time I tell you. Writing about the losses and the struggles these past few days does tend to wear on your nerves so........ having something unexpected come in the mail is just the greatest timing ever and having the hug from my sister in law Cindy a few moments ago really helped. I told her about my Blog/Book........ and I'm actually so excited to share it with everyone. I'm not afraid anymore to say what I feel and feel what I say.... I'm old enough to know that I appreciate every minute of every day!

The Card says.......

Do I miss you?

Would I waste a stamp if I didn't?
Sheesh...... Not at these prices!

Hey Girlfriend,

I just had to say Thank you for puttin up with me, and my late night phone calls.
Honestly I don't know what I would do without you. Just thinking about you makes me smile, and our talks we share always leaves me feeling so Loved, and so Blessed To have a True Friend.
Honeybee, I have to tell you something. Because of you I'm really excited about my New Future, I'm about to venture off too.
Even If I never find the man of my Dreams, I know I'll have fun Looking. You know I'll have fun Looking. You know your going to have to go on this Journey with me. This is a journey with me. This is a search to BIG for one girl alone. Maybe I should just have them e-mail you before agreeing to a date... LOL
You know there are so many questions we need to ask them. Maybe we should make up an application. Hee hee
1. Are you a Jealous Type?
2. Do you mind you girlfriend spending time with her girlfriends?
3. do you mind buying airline tickets for her girlfriend to visit?
4. Do you mind buying a ticket for her to go visit her girlfriend?
If they answered NO to all them w would have to excetp their application.

No really in all honesty there are a lot of questions to ask before dating. Hell, I'm just getting to old for Heartbreak after heartbreak so you have to help keep me in line. Think of it not as a Job, but an adventure. LOL
Anyway, Thank you Honeybee for being the bestest of friends!

Love ya, love ya,
Debbie xo xo xo

She's the Debbie that I told you about that we went to kindergarten thru high school together and then she came to our house and knocked on our door........

You know the one's that you........... know you can never ever find friends like that anymore. They just don't make them!

So................. Thanks for today...... I went to bed deaming of all the things I'm going to write about and slept a few hours and woke up with more ideas and had to come downstairs in the middle of the night and write..... I'm really actually feeling like a writer, and believe me..........
It's amazing!
Trust me!

Do I miss you? I loved that card in the mail today. Put a huge smile on my face!

Yes Deb......... I miss you so much it hurts. You live in Florida, We live here... Too many miles in between so go and find Mr. Right! xoxoxo

Love ya love ya right back!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

glog-4057: text, images, music, video | Glogster

2009-08-31T13:03:00.000-07:00

glog-4057: text, images, music, video | Glogster

Shared via AddThis © Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

25). Million Dollar Momma...

2009-08-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

I was scheduled for a follow up appointment with my Back Care Doctor and when Steve and I went to see him the following week, he instantly noticed I did not have that pain look in my face. I had this different look.. I felt it too. I was sore and bruised and hurting, but in other places than my back.

The Doctor sent me for some more testing and he stuck those damn electrodes in my leg again and I was just screaming as he would trigger the different nerves and get a reading on them. When my films came back and he looked at them, he said.......... That Roll over accident in your van actually helped you but DON'T DO IT AGAIN..... He showed Steve and I my MRI films and it showed the scar tissue pulled away from the nerve roots. There still was plenty of scar tissue there and they did see that... but we all saw where the scar tissue was pulled away from the nerve root and we laughed and laughed..... something so crazy actually helped me in the long run. Amazing we all thought.... Totally amazing.

Don't get me wrong.... I still feel my back at times when I don't want to, and it still has a way of reminding me on those rainy days, the cold days, the I over done it again days, I just..... will never fully escape having Spinal troubles, but I can live with this pain. I have my days where I have to lay down on the couch and have my feet hanging over the edge and my Son or Husband or Daughter perform traction on me by slowly pulling my feet towards them... It helps relieve the pressure on my nerves on those bad days. I still can't wear high heels, I still can't wear tight pants, I still can't lift heavy things, I still have a hard time leaning over the bathtub to scrub it because I still get those sharp pains in my ribs... But I can deal with this...... I totally can deal with this new life of mine.

I think my body has had over a million dollars of medical care. I'm almost certain, so I am a Million Dollar Momma! hee hee hee
I don't cry as many tears...... I don't grunt and groan with each and every step anymore, I don't use a cane, I don't use a walker, I don't use a wheelchair...... I'm standing up on my own two feet. Priceless people....... Totally priceless!

I'm so happy I had my children when I did, because I probably would have ever been able to bear the back breaking feeling of carrying a baby in my belly after all of that. There are little silver linings in all of my life. I do realize that everyday. I have a life full of silver linings, believe me!

I figure I have had over a million dollars worth of surgeries on my body..... If I can live the rest of my life without being put under anesthesia again. I'd be so good with that! I'm not going to worry my life away, I'm not going to live in the past, I'm not going to do a damn thing but enjoy every pain free moment I have. I wish I was completely pain free, but I'm not.... But I can live with this pain. I don't want to, but I have no other choice. I have certainly seen other people suffer way more than I ever have, we each have our own story and our own pain threshold, we all have our own map of life. Mine just got off course for a few years. I'm trying everyday to just be a better me. It's taking me every minute of everyday to just get thru the day sometimes but..... I'm slowly gaining strength and courage and a different mind set so to speak.

All the bad stuff has happened, I can only look forward to the good stuff to come. They say GOD never puts on you more than you can handle. Well, it was all way more than I could handle GOD! Way more!

I don't know if I could take another bad anything. I just want to enjoy life and hear the birds sing and enjoy my life with the people and places I love. I have still so many dreams and desires and wishes that I truly want to come true. I don't need anyone to fix me or change me or live my life for me. I have to do it on my own..... At my own pace, I'm tired of defending why I do the things I do, why I am the way I am. I'm not going to do it... You either like me the way I am or...... it's your loss really. I'm a great Mom, and Great Sister, I was a great daughter, I'm a wonderful wife and I'm a fabulous friend. I don't try to hurt anyone. I just wish people would stop hurting me... Don't you think I have been through enough? Honestly..... Back off because...... You don't want to mess with Momma Wil. I have no room in my life for one ounce of pain people. My wheelbarrow of shit in my life has been over flowing for years and I finally threw that wheelbarrow away along time ago! Or so I thought!........................

I was not prepared for what was to happen next...... Not prepared at all......

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

24). Very Small World!

2009-08-31T04:55:00.000-07:00

I often wonder where I found the strength.......... I'm amazed at my own self everyday..... Pain is a terrible thing. I envy people that live their daily life without pain. I wish it could have been me, but sometimes bad things happen to good people. I'm good people and thought if I write my story of survival I could help someone..... Maybe anyone!

How much can people really handle? I slowly got to see my life in a different perspective. Things were just happening.......... Strange things......

The first strange thing that happened to me was when , My parents bought a boat. They took it to Lake St. Clair and put their brand new boat into the water and spent the day on the lake with their new boat and having a blast. When the day ended and my Mom pulled the boat to shore to load it onto the boat trailer to bring the boat home, she almost hit the boat of the guy next to her. When she looked at the guy and was going to apologize to him........ She realized she knew him. It was my old boyfriend the musician Jim. He was still playing in the bands and they talked for the longest time. He told my parents he wanted to see me and told them where he would be that weekend playing and he wanted me to come and see him. So when my parents got home from their day out on the lake, My Mom called and said, " You are never going to believe who's boat I almost smashed today. When she said, Jim's name.......... I could not believe it. What a very small world.

So I told Steve that on the weekend that was coming up, I was going to go to the Bar and see Jim play. It was out in S. Lyon somewhere. I drove to the bar and went inside. I sat at the table and there he was...... Behind the drums just jamming out just like I remembered. He had the chimes, the symbols, the drums and he was using every one of them to make this great music. That's when I got to meet his new girlfriend Elaine. She looked exactly like Sandra Bullock I swear! She was so adorable and sweet and we hit it off so well. We actually hung out that summer and Steve and I would go to their house and have BBQ's and we would go out to the lake and we were having a great time. Then........ he was going to go play at a bar in Livonia right around the corner from where I grew up. It was called Hot Shots. Steve and I went into hot shots and saw him playing there. Elaine was also in the band singing her heart out with Jim and it was so much fun! Jim actually got me a painting job for the bar owner. He wanted me to design a new logo for the bar and paint it behind where the band would be playing. I was so geeked and excited to be able to paint again, paint anything! So Steve and I designed some logo's and took them to the bar owner for his approval. He picked one of the designs out and the next week I had my paints and brushes and was up there on that stage drawing free hand the new Logo for the bar. I painted it and it turned out soooooooooooooooooooooo wonderful. I felt like I made my mark back in my old neighborhood. It was an amazing feeling!

Then next weekend when Steve and I went to Hot Shots..... Elaine was not there with Jim. It was this beautiful girl named Tina. I don't know where Jim and her met, but they looked so cute together. She was tall and had long legs just like he did and they looked happy together. It was getting close to Christmas and she invited Steve and I to Jim's for Christmas dinner. I guess Jim had been cheating on Elaine with Tina and then ....... Elaine moved out and Tina moved in with Jim and she had three children. Nicole, Carrie and Nicholas. I was amazed at Jim's new little family. They were all adorable. We did go to Jim's for Christmas dinner and Tina had the house all decorated in candles and a red table cloth on each table and the coolest stocking hung by the fireplace. I commented on them and she said her Mother made them. I told her I wanted some too. Her mother Carol made me some and I still have them and hang them up every Christmas. Tina and I are now best friends and have been for years. She's also had Back surgery and I remember when I wheeled her around in her wheelchair. I never knew the same damn thing was going to happen to me. She then pushed me in my wheelchair.................. How strange is that?????

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

23). The pills, the tests, the struggles!

2009-08-31T04:10:00.000-07:00

The Pain pills, the tests, the struggles, the sleepless nights, the pain in my heart, the way I felt life was passing my by on a daily baisis. It was really the worst time in my life! How I survived all those long years I just don't really know. I had Traction, I had physical Therapy, I had spinal injections that I was allergic to that gave me seizures, I had a back brace to keep my spine straight, I had a wheelchair, I had a cane, I had a walker. I had needles being poked in my right leg to see how much of my nerve root was damaged. I had pool therapy for non weight bearing therapy, I had so many things that I did not want. I had people pulling on me, putting needles in me, tying me to a table and pulling me feet out little by little to take the pressure of my nerve root. It was awful! I would not wish this on my worst enemy! EVER! I might have been able to handle everything better if was not so allergic to all the medications. I could not take the Vicodin and be awake at the same time, I could not take Codeine, Motrin, Demerol, Darvocette, Morphine.... I did take Toradol that I remember and Neurotin. I felt like the Rug of Life was pulled out from under me......

Everything I did not want!
I did not want one more person touching me! I just wanted to magically wake up one morning and I would have my life back. I had plans, I had dreams, I had so much I wanted to do! Each day I felt more and more down in the dumps. I never gave up.... I was going to prove to myself and my family that no matter how tough things get you can and will survive. It's this Will to Survive mode no matter what. I learned that from the moment I was born really......

The only thing really going for me was..... My will to survive and to show my children and husband that no matter what Momma was going thru, I was going to make the most of it and show them that not giving up was the best plan for me! I would lay in bed and be so mad at the cars that would pass by, I wondered where are they going? That complete stranger had a life... I did not.. I laid in bed dreaming of walking without pain. I had to learn how to walk all over again and learn to vacumn, and learn to bend, and learn to have better posture, and learn to do so many things again in a different way then I was used to.

I remember this one day when I could not make it up the stairs and I laid on the couch in the living room. I took a pain pill, But then had a brief moment of did I really take a pain pill, it should be working by now. So I took another one. I was on the couch and could not move, could not speak or yell up the stairs to Steve that I was overdosing on pain medication. I just laid there praying he would wake up and find me on the couch and call 911. I was so out of it that I really could hear myself screaming for him to help me but nothing was comming out of my voice box! My whole body was on drug overload. That's when I felt my sister Sherry around me. She's the only thing that helped me. She said to me. Everything will be alright. My sister was my guardian angel. I heard her...... she was telling me I was going to be okay. I was drenched in sweat, unable to even realize this could not be really happening to me. But that's the only thing that got me through that day. Steve came down the stairs and found me... I was still alive but soooooooooooo shook up from seeing my sister and not knowing how many pain pills I took that he got me something to eat to absorb all the medication and he just held me.... He held me so tight and told me everything was going to be alright. I so wanted to believe him!

I finally got to go and see a new Doctor here in Michigan that said he could help me. The scar tissue was growing around my nerve root and compressing my nerves, and they had to get rid of the scar tissue to be able to help me with my right leg and the pains radiating down my butt cheek down my leg to my toes. I was having toes that had a mind of their own and were just going up and down on their own, and my leg was white and cold and really alot smaller than my other leg. The nerve damage was affecting me in a very bad way. I went to see Dr. Beer who had a brand new procedure called the RACZ procedure. I was one of the first people in Michigan to have it done. I was willing to try anything! So they put me into surgery and went thru my tailbone and injected this medication that was going to disolve the scar tissue, or eat it up...... I remember feeling the pressure in the Operating room, I don't think they had me quite all the way under. So when I was in recovery, I had a panic attack and told them that I could hear them and feel them. I freaked out... They put oxygen on my face and told me to breathe, I was in recovery and don't move. I had to lay there lifeless for a full day.... The next morning when Dr. Beer came into my room he lowered the sheets and told me to sit up. I sat up really slowly with his help and felt differently. It worked..... it was working because I did not have that stabbing pain shooting down into my right leg. He brought over the walker to my bed and told me to slowly swing my legs around and try and stand up on the ground. He held onto me as I reached for the walker. I stood up on the hospital floor and took three steps towards him. He told me to take three more baby steps. I did.... It was slowly working. He told me that I needed to have 2 more RACZ procedures in the next 6 weeks. So I went home and 2 weeks later was in the Operating room again having more injections thru my tailbone. The next time I had the RACZ done, I panicked when they were giving me the anesthesia and told them, please knock me out before you proceed to do anything, because I still remembered the pressure and the talking. They knocked me out good, because I don't remember a damn thing until I woke up shivering in the Recovery Room. The nurses kept putting these really warm blankets over me to warm me up. I'll never forget that warmth.... I stayed in the hospital for I think a day and Dr. Beer came in again and lowered the bed sheets and had me sit up. He felt my lower back and then brought the walker over to my bedside again and told me to slowly get out of bed and try to take some babysteps towards him. I did...... I did it...... and the pain was so much less.. I did so well with that RACZ procedure I did not need to have it done the 3rd time... I still had alot of scar tissue that was giving me troubles, but I could live with it. I somehow could live with the new pains better than the old pains. I instantly felt alive again!

I actually went back to work...... I needed to gain strength back in my legs and middle section and so I went to work at this little Coney island. I needed to walk, I needed to bend, I needed to reach, I needed to gain my strength back and it was working.

I met Johnny G... He came into the restaurant and he had his buddys with him and they cracked me up. They were my favorite customers! I only worked a couple hours a day but it was living. I could not lift anything more than five pounds. It was like having my life back and meeting people again. I never felt so alive in my life!

And then.......................... I crashed my white Van on our road........ Two houses down from where we live. On my own street! It was a January morning, freezing bitter cold, the snow had just fallen, and under the snow was nothing but ice. I started fishtailing and could not get out of the fishtail.. I smashed that van so bad, I broke the glass on my watch, I bruised my ribs again, and I was so shook up........ I'll never forget the man that pulled up to the van and helped me climb out the passenger side door. He asked me where I live and if he could call 911... I said, I live right there in that white house.... he brought me here and I could barely yell up the stairs to Steve. It was 6:00 a.m. He was sound asleep. I was on my way home from the airport taking some friends to their flight to Cancun. Steve ran down the stairs when he heard me trying to yell for him and that's when I told him....... I just totaled our van two houses down..... things just went crazy for me in my head........ but something was really different... I did not have that pinching feeling in my back, I did not have that awful sharp feeling down my leg. I felt sore, but not as sore as I did the day before. Something was different!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

22). Almost a year to the day......

2009-08-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

It was one year after my sister died in January, on a snowy day just like it was the day she died... I had just left work to go pick up my son Joshua from Grandma Alice's house just around the corner. I was driving my Dad's old station wagon. I slowly got into the right lane to turn right into her driveway when a Red Truck slammed the back of the car and put me in the ditch and up on the lawn of the neighbor of Grandma Alice's. She was not my kids grandmother, but she was this little old lady that loved my kids and she loved reading Joshua books and a couple times a week she would come over with little presents for the kids and when we would go and visit her she would give my kids Dandilions to eat from her backyard. They ate it.... They were little and saw her eat them so they did too...

Well, I took the crunch............. the full back breaking crunch, the next morning I could not get out of bed and walk across the bedroom.
I could not put my right foot on the ground without having so much pain.... I barely made it down the stairs when I called a Doctor down the street and said somethings wrong.... The Doctor said, come in right now... I got in my car barely and got to the doctor's office barely and basically almost crawled into the office. I was in so much pain I could not breathe...... He got me back into his office and took one look at me and the way I was not walking and he said, " I'm sending you to St. Joe's for an MRI right this minute. Call someone to come and get you and take you right now". I called my husband and he left work and came and got me...
We went to St. Joe's, I had the MRI and that's when they said, " You have bruised ribs, and a herniated disc in your lower lumbar spine. At L4-L5, You are going to need surgery to clean up all the jell that has oozed out of your disc onto your nerve root. I could not believe it..... They referred me to a Neurosurgeon and about 2 weeks later I was having back surgery.... I'll never in a million years ever forget that day...
There was this guy in the waiting room having the same back surgery that I was going to have in the same exact spot. We wished each other good luck and hoped we would recover soon. Well, I remember when the Doctor came in and explained what he was going to do and that I should feel much better after surgery. He lied....... He totally lied to me! When I woke up from surgery and in my own hospital room, I woke up crying, the pain, oh the pain...... I looked out into the hallway and saw that same guy that was having his surgery like my surgery, and he was up and around holding onto the bars in the hall. He waved to me and I could not even move, I could not figure out how he was up and around.... Why was I flat on my back in intense overwhelming pains, That's when it hit me... Something was different- the Nurses were bringing in this big green contraption to hang up over my bed that I could pull myself up with. I could not even reach it let alone pull myself up on it. The Nurse heard my cries after they put that contraption in my room and left my room and shut my door. I was all alone in tears, in pain, in very intense unbelievable pains. I stayed in the hospital for days.
My girlfriend Christine said, I called her when I was all drugged up telling her that they were trying to kill me... I barely remember that phone call, but I do remember that feeling! The medications they gave me. I was allergic to. Morphine. I don't even know what they gave me after that.

I got home from the hospital and the next 4 weeks, I got worse!!!
I could not walk, I could not sit on the toilet, I could not get dressed, I could not cook, I could not clean, I could not stand up in the shower...... It was like I was just a blob of pain............ and tears........ and my life just stopped!

Then I started losing my bladder. I had no idea what was happening.
All, I could do was feel the warmth of my pee running down my legs every morning when I tried to walk to the bathroom... I left a pee-pee trail on the wooden floor. I was falling apart each and everyday.
My children had to come upstairs to see me...... So after the six weeks of recovery and things were worse, I went back to the Doctor's. They did an MRI and came into my room with the results...............................

That's when I heard those words........ We operated at the right level, wrong disc... You have an extra vertabre in your back and if we count from the bottom of the vertabrae we reach this level... and if we count from the top of your vertabre down, we reach a different level on your spine..... You are going to need another back surgery a.s.a.p. I almost fell off the chair. I thought how the heck could they do this to me, no wonder I was in so much pain, no wonder they put that contraption over my bed, no wonder that other guy was up and around in the hallway and I was not...... No wonder........ I immediately said, I will not have that Doctor touch me one more time, He had the MRI results, it said right on there that I had an extra vertabre in my back.. What was that Doctor thinking? .... I had 3 little kids at home and the past 3 months I could not do one thing for any of them. Joshua was only 3 and wanted me to pick him up. I just could not even possibly do it..... I think he got so mad at me and could not understand, that's when things got touchy with us. He was so mad at his Momma!
So, somehow I found a new Neurosurgeon and went to see him that week. He was the best Neurosurgeon that I could find and he had credentials to prove it, He had operated on Race Car Drivers. I felt like I was in good hands. He came into the room and showed me my MRI and my X-Rays.... He said, I can't promise you anything but I will try and relieve some of your pain.... The very next week I was in the new hospital having another back surgery...... Life just stood still for me and my family..... Stood completely still.

It was a drunk driver that hit me....... His driving record was a mess.......... He should have never been on the road. It happend within 5 miles of my house. They say most accidents happen within five miles of your house. I did not want to hear that!

Five years later.....

Things changed.... It took me five years..... Five very long painful years! I could not walk, I could not drive, I could not clean, I could not do a damn thing.......... I cried everyday! I could not take one more bad thing! All I wanted was my life back.

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

21). The Phone calls.......

2009-08-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

The first phone call was from Michelle.... She wanted to come over and use my phone. She had to go to court for something and did not want her husband to know so she came and used my phone. She was all worried so I let her hold the Rosary my sister had just given me the day before.

Michelle left and I climbed up on my Bed and hung the Rosary on a little nail that was there from a previous picture that I had moved to some other spot. Well, as soon as I hung the Rosary on the little nail and had one leg off the bed on the ground the telephone rang. It was my Mom.... In a really strange voice she said, " Kathy, get here right now"... I said, Okay Mom.... I did not even ask one question..... Then I picked up the phone to call my Mother in Law next door to see if I could use my brother in law's Truck again because it was still snowing and I knew my car would not start with any sort of wetness in the air. So when I dialed my Mother in laws number next door, and the phone rang..... I heard my Mom say hello... I freaked out and said, I'm sorry Mom, I meant to call My mother in law next door to see if I could use Tim's truck. She then said, " Get here Kathy, Sherry died lastnight".......... I never in my life screamed so hard..... I was doing circles in my bedroom trying to get dressed, and when I did find those purple LLBean cozy sweats I put my right foot into the leg and there was so much force and fear and adrenalin I put my foot right thru the fabric. I threw them across the room and looked for something else to throw on in a huge hurry, I picked up the phone and then dialed the correct number for my Mother in Law and when she answerd I was sobbing so hard she could not understand me, I just kept saying, I need to use Tim's truck.. My Mom called and said, my sister died. She said......... NO.......... I almost died at that moment too. I could not believe it... But she was saving my life, she did not want me to drive in my hysterical condition....... I called several people to get me to my Mom's and no one answered.... I then called my girlfriend Judy and she said she could not take me but her husband Daryl could if I paid him...... I said, what ever it takes I need to get there.... I could not believe I had to pay someone to take me to my Mother's.... I remember when his little red truck pulled up in my driveway to come and get me, I could barely speak and I just got into the car and stared out the passenger window the whole way to my Mom's.... I only gave him the directions to get to my Parents..... I could not utter a word, I was so mad at the world and I took it out on him big time.. I just remember me staring out of the passenger window. Wishing it was not him driving me, how in the world did I have to pay someone to do this for me.... It was like a life and death situation.. I did pay him some money to take me, I don't know how much but I remember the money exchange... I remember my eyes were already swollen shut from the massive tears of my mothers very surprising, very sad news.... I could not even understand how she could be dead..... I just saw her the day before and she gave me a Rosary....... It's all such a blurr.................... I mean a blurr....... I don't remember the funeral, I don't remember the people there, I don't remember anything except that scary guy Mike that tried to get me alone and tell me what happened.... He tried to tell me what was happening in some little room in the funeral home and when I told him I could not talk to him one more minute, I walked out into the funeral home to meet my parents to go to lunch break or what ever it was, and...... everyone was gone...... Just me and that scary guy Mike and my Sister..................... I did not feel very safe in the funeral home. How could that scary person be there, what did he do..... why did he want to talk to me, I could not even understand what he was saying I was in such Grief....................... Total Unbelievable True knock me out Grief........
Seeing my Parents so devastated, seeing her daughter so devastated, seeing her ex- husband so devastated, seeing my brothers so devastated oh My Goodness....... The pain could be felt around the world I'm sure! She was only 33.... Cardiac Arrest..... They tried to save her but when they gave her lidocaine to start her heart again, it beat so fast it was just too much..... I say she died of a broken heart.... a huge broken heart!

So I lost my Grandmother in 1993, six weeks later my Grandfather in 1993, and 9 months after that my sister....... and then 4 months after that my best friend Genette......... Everyone I loved so dearly....... Gone..............
I was the last one to talk to my Grandma..... She said she loved me those were her last words
I was the last one to see my Grandpa, he said I was trying to kill him.....for spending so much on groceries..
I was the last one to hug my sister and tell her I loved her and my last words to her were see ya later Girlfriend.... She was my sister, and my girlfriend.....
I was the last one to speak with Genette when I told her to let go and go to heaven and be best friends with my sister as she was laying in her Hospice bed so thin...... So thin.... I can't even explain it...... Life for me stood still................. I mean, I was just so sad to see my parents hurting so much, My Dad actually drove around looking for Mike with a gun in his car. I know if he were to ever find Mike, he was going to kill him. I had to hold that in....... I had to tell no one....... Grief....... it's a terrible thing. No child wants to see their parents pain like that.... I'll never forget........ And then something wild happened............. Something very, very wild...................

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

20). I woke up and had to see her! Within 24 hours the Phone Rang.......

2009-08-30T17:30:00.000-07:00

It's was January 10th, 1993. I woke up in the morning to look out the window to see all the snow outside.... It was beautiful. Oh, That day was not so beautiful by the time it ended!

It started like this...... I woke up with another one of those I have to moments....... I could not get the thought out of my head that I needed to go and see my Sister. I had not seen her at Halloween like we always did and go back to the Old neighborhood in Livonia and take our kids trick or treating like we always did every Halloween. We would meet at our Parents in Livonia and have Halloween and also Celebrate My Parents Wedding Anniversary. My parents were married on Halloween, My Dad would always say...... Did he get a Trick or a Treat marrying my Mom.... I loved when I would meet my sister over at my Parents on every Halloween and see all the old neighbors in the old stomping grounds....
Then I realized that I did not see my sister on Halloween or Thanksgiving or Christmas that year and I was not going to wait one more day to see her.......... I was going to be out in her neck of the woods anyways... I was taking my pregnant best friend Christine to go and plan her baby shower. We were going over to Shari and Tim's house just outside of Redford and the snow was so bad outside, it was slow going forsure. So on the way home from planning the baby shower I told Christine that we had to stop at my sister's on Inkster Rd on the way home, she said, No.... I think you should take me home, I don't want to get out and fall on the ice and snow... She already had done that and lost some of the baby fluids around her baby so she was on high alert to no slipping and falling...... I said, to Christine.... Well, You can stay in the truck then because I need to stop and see my sister, I woke up feeling it this morning and I've been thinking about her all day. I told Christine that I did not see her on Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas and since I was already out that way I was going...................... I was driving so I got my way....

I pulled up into the snowy driveway with my Brother in Law Tim's Red Truck. My car did not want to start that morning because of the wetness in the air. It had a Twilight Zone thing going on with that car when it got wet outside...... So my brother in law was sweet enough to let me use his truck for the day. When I pulled up in the driveway to see my Sister she was peeking thru the front window curtains trying to figure out who's darn truck was in her driveway on that snowy, snowy day........

When I got out of the truck and she saw me.......... The curtain swung closed and the front door swung open.............. Oooohhhhhhhh to see the look of surprise was so sweet.... She told me to come inside, I told her that I could not stay long because Christine was in the Truck and could not come out into the snow and ice. She understood.... So....... We walked into the kitchen and I hugged her..... Her hair was wet and she smelled like shampoo... She did not have a sticth of makeup on. She was naturally beautiful. She actually was in the Michigan Beauty Pagent back in the 1970's. Absolutely georgeous! I looked at her in the face and saw that she had like an indent in the side of her temple. Just a little one. I asked her what happened to her.. She said, "she slipped and fell into the rolling tool cart while mopping the kitchen floor."
I did glance at the tool cart to try and figure out if that could possibly even happen..... I knew her boyfriend Mike was................. a very scary person....................... Very scary........ He came to our house once and one time only. I saw the gun in his pants and said, ummmmmmm We don't live like that and you need to get off of our property. He knew damn well, I did not like one little morsel of him. I tried to figure out what my sister saw in him......... It felt like a nightmare and honestly still does and I write this....... I'm just glad he never shot my sister, but what he did do................ It's just awful..... He was in the lower level living room when I came to the house on Inkster Road that snowy morning. It was all dark and gloomy looking and the only think I briefly saw was the Televion screen and then the darkness of the room.....
My sister Sherry had a beer on the counter in a Beer mug that she had just poured and asked if I wanted one, I said, No, but I'll take a sip of yours..... I drank first...... I did not want to drink after her because of Mike.... I'm strange like that..... so I took the first sip without telling her that I was taking that first sip for that reason....... Shame on me! So I drank a little bit of her beer and then hugged her.... She hugged me so tight...... Then she whispered in my ear. " NEVER LET ME GO"...... I told her she was making me hot. I still had my coat on and I was melting. I then thought I should open her refrigerator to see if she had food and she was eating and taking care of herself. I opened up the refrigerator and saw some left over meat, I said, " What is that....... She said, " Left over Turkey". I said, what is that, " she told me what it was..... Then I opened up the freezer and saw the Frozen Bagels and said, " Awwwww, You got Bagels, You're okay". That's when she said, " I dont' even like bagels". She was so lying to me that moment and I knew it... We ate bagels everyday after school when we were younger with butter and cream cheese.... Who was she trying to kid...... Sure not me!!!! So I went to use her bathroom before leaving and there was this little tin on the back of the toilet that had purple violets on it. I thought....... ooooohhhhhhh if she's doing drugs that's where they are hiding... I wanted proof..... I wanted something to prove to me she was doing drugs... I was in such denial..... When I opened up the metal tin with the purple violets, the only thing in the tin were a bunch of white fluffy Q-Tips..... I felt so stupid at the moment but..... my curiosity got the best of me and that served me right! So I came out of the bathroom relieved that there were no drugs.......... I told her I had the truck still running with Christine in it and that the weather was getting worse I needed to go... She said, " Okay, but wait a minute", I have something for you. I saw her go up the few steps to the bedroom. In a flash she was back with her hand closed. She reached for my hand and had me open it.... I can still feel her hand in mine right at this moment. When I opened my hand there was this little black pouch. She said, Open it. It was Grandma's and I want you to have it........

I'm going to cry now......... I'm seriously going to cry.........

When I opened up the little black pouch it was a really pretty Rosary...... Instantly I thought in my head. Wow. Now I have something I can hold when I'm at home and worried about her and not able to reach her because she did not have a telephone... I surprised her that day and I was so glad I did...

My sister walked me to the door and hugged me again and when I left the house I waved and said, Bye Girlfriend.......... I got into the car and thought.... Why in the world did I just call my sister Girlfriend..... I found it quite odd, but thought oh well, she knows me........ I'm her little sister. I waved and drove off to drop off Christine at her house safe and sound and her little unborn baby.... All the way home I felt this........... warmth.. this comforted feeling. Like dang, I have something to help me not worry about her. How sweet was that. It was just this comforting feeling that I can't explain........

Then I got home and Steve told me my sister called..... I said what she did not have a phone, he said She called this morning after going to Sears and bought a telephone. So she was thinking about me the same way I was thinking about her that day...... I loved it so much and thought that was just unreal how I woke up thinking about her so strongly and she called me when I was gone and she had no idea I was going to show up at her house. I love that we had that connection. Nothing like sisterly Love!

Then......................................... The other PHONE CALL........ OR SHOULD I SAY PHONE CALLS!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

19). Another KNOCK KNOCK MOMENT THAT WAS AWFUL.....

2009-08-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

This post must be told......

It was about a week ago, Last Saturday morning I was sound alseep in bed. I think my body was trying to wake up but this urge to answer the telephone came over me. I heard the phone ringing in my dream and answered it.
There was this soft, gentle voice of a woman on the other end. I heard her softly say, " I'm sorry, your Father died without any complications. That was it.... Nothing else... I did not hear anything except my pounding heart and my body going into shock. I sat straight up in bed and could not believe what had just happened.
I woke up Steve with my sudden bolt.... I said," Steve, Oh My God, I just had the strangest dream that this lady told me she was sorry, but my father died without any complications. He knew I was serious because I was probably white as a ghost and I had that eyes wide open look on my face. I truthfully was shaken to the core.

My father passed away from suicide in 1998. This was August of 2009....

It was opening Day of Hunting Season. Five a.m. in the morning I'm sound asleep with Steve in our upstairs bedroom. We both hear KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK on the front door. It's still dark outside, what in the world is going on. No one wants to hear that at 5:00 a.m. I hear Steve's familiar footsteps running down the stairs. He's lived in this house all his life and can do that. Not me.... I still need the light on.. LOL So, I hear Steve open the front door and and I hear the screen door open. I hear a Deep Voice that I have never heard before ask my husband if "Katherine Wilson", was home. My husband said, "Yes," at that moment what was going thru my head was..... I did nothing wrong, I don't have any bounced checks, I did nothing wrong what is going on.. That's when I heard the other Person say. "It's her Mother, She called us to get ahold of her daughter and have you take her to her Mother's as soon as possible". He said, "don't call her just go".
It was The Police from our town. So--- Steve ran up the stairs and said," Kathy, The Police said, we have to get to your Mom's house as soon as possible". So I jumped up and tried to put the quickest thing I could find on.... Steve threw on his clothes and we headed the 45 minute drive to Howell. I remember nothing about that drive there, I don't remember the roads, the turns, the red lights, the expressway, The only thing I remember is wondering if my Father had a heart attack. That's the only thing I could think of.... Then I heard this song by, Hootie and The Blowfish called, "LET HER CRY". I started crying the moment I heard it and was singing along because I think it distracted me from what my brain was really trying to figure out. The Police told Steve nothing... The next only memory I have is when we made that left hand turn onto the street where my parents lived in Howell. ..................................................................... I saw the ambulance and the lights.. I knew something was bad, who were they taking to the hosptial. Which one of my Parent's needed an ambulance???... Did someone fall..... ??? I could not get out of the car fast enough. I flew out of the car and got into the house and saw my Mom in the Rocking Chair in her jammies with this look on her face....... The police officer asked who I was and said, I was her daughter and that Steve was my husband. My little brother Pennie was sitting on the couch with an awful look on his face... I was noticing everybody's face but did not see my Dad. I went to walk down to the hallway and the Police Officer Said, :I needed to stay with my Mother." I looked at my Mom ,and in the quietest most no sur-real tone she said, Your Father died..
The next thing I knew............ I had my face buried in the couch cushion next to my brother sobbing sooooooooo loud, just sobbing........ I sobbed so hysterically my Mother asked me if I was laughing..... That's terrible to say, but Oh My God, I never cried and screamed and bawled at the same time in my life..... Well, I have but you'll have to hear about that later...
When I looked at my Mom with these tears rolling down my face.... She knew I was hysterical, NO WONDER Police Officer's say Nothing when they come to your house to tell you some news....... They don't want hysteria! Oh did I have it... All that worry from the trip to my parents the look on my Mom's face, the look on my brother's face and then the sudden realization of shock that how could my Father do something like that. HOW...... did he leave a note, what happened????????????
I crawled those few feet over to my Mom on my knees, I had no strength to even stand up and walk. I layed my head in her lap and felt her soft blue flannel nighty she always loved to wear. I was a grown woman with my Face on my Mom's lap looking at her trying to make sure she was alright, trying to figure out why she was not internally screaming on the insides like me.......... She put her hands on my face and said, Kath, Your Dad had a rough night. He was having those Phanthom pains in his right leg. He wanted me to give him a Vicodin and I did to settle him down, then she said, He wanted another one and I lied to him and told him I did not have one. I did not want to interfere with all the medications he was already on. She said, she went to bed and thought he was settled down....... Then around 1:00 in the morning My Mom woke up with a headache. She went to the kitchen to get some aspirin. On her way to the kitchen she heard my Dad's T.V. up really loud in his room, They slept in seperate rooms because my Dad had sleep apnea and snored like he could wake up the whole neighborhood. My Mom was a light sleeper..... So on the way back from the kitchen and getting her headache relief... She opened up my Dad's door and found him......... She called 911 and they were there in a flash.... The Police Officer came out and asked my Mom what Hand my Dad was..... She told them he was Left Handed.... She already knew he had shot himself but waited a little bit to tell me what happened. Then..................... they wheeled my Dad out on a stretcher and I saw him in the body bag. I could just see a little bit of his dark black hair. My Mom tells me I did not see that, but I swear I did. He was 6 foot 3 or 6 4.... I'm not sure at this moment... Then the cleaning crew came to tear up the carpet and all I could see was everything they were taking out of the room was covered up so we could not see it... People dressed all in white, with white gloves... I am so happy I never saw the actually place................................... you know..... that place......
My Dad was determined..... He had gone to Dialysis the day before. He knew he had to go to Dialysis everyother day for the rest of his life. He panicked while laying on the hospital chair for Dialysis and called my Mom and told her to come and pick him up. On the way home he wanted to stop at Daily's and have some of their vegetable soup and then he had a Vanilla Malt... His favorite...... He knew what he wanted that day...... Well, in the middle of the night after my Mom had put him to bed and thought she had him all settled down. My Dad got up out of bed, in his wheelchair, went over to the locked filing cabinet and pried it open with two screwdrivers. My Mom had the key...... He was a determined man....... A smart man.... He did the Morris Code for the Army back in the Korean War, and he always would tell us Kids that he knew what was happening before anyone knew it...... He decyphered the morris code and passed along the message. He was a civilian and wore civilian clothes and would tell my Mom that if he were to have been captured he was to kill himself in an instant. I'm glad that did not happen to him in the Korean War or I would not be here today!

My Dad used to have a Monkey and he called it Shit Head, My Dad was stepped on by a horse when he was younger and the scar on his leg was still really sensitive to the touch after all those years....... My Dad was only 59 when he passed away...... He killed himself 3 day's before his 60th Birthday.......

I can't tell you how badly I miss him............. He was the funniest man alive! He had the last laugh...... I'm sure he's cracking everybody up in Heaven too.... People say if you commit suicide you don't go to Heaven. I don't believe that for one moment. I will never judge him for what he did and to be totally honest. He made his own decision and who am I to argue with that....... Not me......
He was my Dad. I loved him NO MATTER WHAT!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

18)....Is LIFE coincidental or is it meant to happen the

2009-08-30T14:54:00.000-07:00

I have always had this burning desire to figure things out..... I have to get to the bottom things and I just figured out if I write all this stuff down and let it go, it won't bogggggggggggggggg me down anymore, I can really let it go instead of Never Letting it Go..... Holy Moses...... I'M HAVING A HUGE LIGHT BULB MOMENT PEOPLE! At least I'm honest about it.

So many, oh so many strange and unexplained situations or feelings or moments in my life that have puzzled me along the way. I don't want to even pretend to be psychic...... But. There are so many crazy situations in my life that are off the hook... I mean... How could I not write about them and re-live them so to speak....

Okay, I told you about how my bed and dresser and blanket and pottery were in this house that I live in 2 years before I ever was.........

I told you about Craig introducing me to Steve..
I told you about Steve's Dad giving me the number to Steve...
I told you about the crazy feeling I had about those peach tiles in the bathroom when I was 15..
I told you about the time I was supposed to go and see my Grandma and put my hand thru the window. Divine intervention or something!!!!

Now listen to this one......

Steve and I got married and lived in an apartment. We were having a party and our next door neighbor's Dean and Sheri. Said they wanted to invite Dean's sister Debbie. So we said, " Sure", not a problem, The more the merrier.. So here we are just hanging out in our apartment and there's a knock on the door......... Those knocks on the door always mean something.. We just don't quite know what to expect when we open it. Sorta like LIFE right!!!!
So anyways, Here is Dean, Sheri, Steve and I and Chuck and Kathie..... We are just being 20 something's..... We are just chillin out when there's a KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK on our door...
I'm starting to laugh as I write this because my head is being filled with all these crazy situations that I remember for some damn reason!
Okay, So I hear the knock, I go to the Door and open it..... There stands Debbie, a girl I went to Kindergarten thru 12 th Grade.. At my door... I say, Hi Deb, what in the world are you doing knocking on my door. She laughs and say's OMG Kathy LaFleur, You live here.... My Brother Dean and his wife Sheri invited me over to Steve and Kathy's...... YOU ARE THE KATHY! If you could have heard the roar of laughter from everyone else.. They were like, Kathy- Only would something like this happen to you! Deb and I hugged so tight and just had the most fun that night catching up on the past few years. It was really a fun night to remember. Dean had a different Father than Deb, and they both went to the same High School and Dean actually dated my sister Sherry and when he found out that I was Kathy LaFleur- Sherry LaFleur's sister....... We about died........ Dean knew me as Kathy Wilson.... When Deb said, Kathy LaFleur.... I can't tell you how Dean was shocked, Deb was shocked, Sheri was shocked that Dean dated my sister. And Steve..... He just shook his head and we still laugh about it to this day! I never saw Dean when he dated my sister.. I had my own life and they must have only briefly dated... So no questions.... I'm just saying Freaky things happen to me all the dang time and I'm trying to figure out why!!!!!!!!!!!!!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

17). Funny Thing's happen....

2009-08-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

I still wonder about this!

My Grandmother Yvonne died in 1993 the day after her husbands birthday and my brother's birthday, they were both named Norman and both born on the same day 60 years apart. I was supposed to see my Grandmother that day and give her a bath as she was so crippled from Reumatoid Arthritis. I really can only remember her walking once or twice. I would have dreams as a kid that she was really lying to us about not being able to walk. I never saw blood or a broken bone, I just did not understand why. I got to spend so much time with my Grandmother and I was her care taker on Saturday's while my Grandfather and my Father and my two brothers Norm and Pennie would run around town to town, bar to bar for the Vending Company that my Grandfather started. It was called Norwest Coin. My Grandfather even won an award in the early 1980's for Vendor of the year. I don't remember a Saturday that I was not at my Grandmother's. 6 weeks after my Grandmother died...... My Grandfather died. Two deaths in my family in 6 weeks, two of the most special people ever! I just felt lost, and then a bit relieved. Grandma was so sick and crippled, I could smell the death on her that last time I saw her. I think she knew..... That last day when I was supposed to go and bathe her and I put my hand thru the kitchen window and had to go and get stitches. I called her on the telephone and told her I could not make it as planned, but I was taking myself to the hospital to get stitches. She totally understood. Her very last words to me were......... I LOVE YOU KIKI.. I can still hear her telling me that.
Grandpa was never in the hospital. Every Saturday when I would go and clean house for them and pick up all the rotten apple cores next to Grandpa's brown chair and straighten up all the National Enquirer magazines he had strewn all around his chair, I would burn all of Grandma's papers. She never let one piece of paper go out in the trash. She kept the house closed up, she had a pool stick that she would lean against the door and the wall to make sure no one got in while my Grandfather was out doing the vending machines. She sat on this couch on her little brown cushion that should have been thrown away on a weekly basis. She was crippled and had a little pee bucket that she would use if I was not there or Grandpa was not there. She never complained. She would just tell me that she had Scarlett Fever as a kid and when you get it..... It leaves you with something. It left her immune system weak and she got Reumathoid Arthritis. You have no idea how many nights growing up as a kid I prayed to GOD never to give me Arthritis. I never prayed specifially for Reumathoid Arthritis........ I should have because now I have OsteoArthritis....... Damn it all to pieces on that one......... I prayed so hard I swear GOD heard me. I mean every night for years and years and years............. Makes me so mad that I have anything Arthritis! Seriously!
So, basically my Grandmother was so very crippled and she did not want anyone over to see her, she hid in the house, Grandpa did everything. He cooked for her, put her to bed, and she lived every day for years like that. I could not in my wildest dreams figure any of this out as a kid. Grandpa never went to the Doctor's, but every Saturday for years, he would say, " Kiki, does Grandpa look tired?" I always said NO, even if he did. He never went to the Doctor's but I began to notice when I would clean the bathroom that he was not making it to the bathroom on time. The same week Grandma died he went to the Doctor's finally..... They diagnosed him with Stage something colon cancer and the next day he was having a colostomy bag put in. I had never ever saw my Grandfather as being sick, I just saw different signs and signals that he was a little run down. Grandpa died within 5 weeks...... I picked him up and took him home from the hospital. He did not have his shirt on in the bed and asked me to go the locker across the room and gather up his clothes. When He slowly got up and stood up on the floor he just looked so sad it could make me cry at this moment. I saw the hole in his stomach.... I saw my Grandpa Cut open and a Chunk of skin out of his belly.......... I could have fainted right then and there! What the heck did they do to my Grandfather. He looked after my Grandmother and the Vending Business and all of us kids and my Dad, his only Son. He did not look out for himself and got so sick.
I remember going thru my Grandmother's belongings with my Dad after they died. My parents were going to sell the house on Gilchrist. I found little pieces of paper all ripped up in the back of my Grandmother's top drawer of her old fashioned dresser. I took those little pieces of paper thinking I hit the jackbox. What ever was on that paper was a secret, I was going to put all the pieces of those little pieces of paper together and get to the bottom of what that was all about. I put them in my purse...... I could not wait to get home and decipher the secret little papers that I had found. It was my Detective side of me coming out. Well, what the heck........... They were gone....... I dumped out my purse, I emptied my pockets, I searched my car, I looked under the car, I could not for the life of me figure out where those little pieces of paper went. To this day......... I still wonder what was on those pieces of paper. Drives me crazy that I don't know! Serves me right I guess. Taught me a lesson. Some things are better left unknown and unsaid.......
My Grandmother gave me a little Red Tin heart with Chocolate candy in it the week before she died. I still have it. When I did get her china cabinet and we brought it to our house and unwrapped every piece of china that was wrapped in newspaper. I threatened everyone to don't drop it. It meant the world to my Grandmother and It was now going to mean the world to me. I'm pretty much Sentimental big time. Well, here we were in the kitchen unwrapping all the precious China when this little piece of paper came out of the china. It was all yellow and old looking. When I picked it up and looked at it. It said........... GRANDMA'S HOME.

It was a poem that went like this.

I Am thinking of a cottage
In a quiet rural dell,
And a brook that ran beside it
That I used to love so well.

I have sat for hours and listened
As it rippled at my feet
And I thought no other music
In the world was half so sweet

There are forms that flit before me,
There are tones I yet to recall,
But the gentle words of Grandma,
Still I prize the most of all.

In her loving arms she held me
And beneath her patient care
I was borne away to dreamland
In her dear old rocking chair

I am thinking of a promise
That I made when last we met
T was a rosy summer twilight
That I never shall forget

"Grandma's going home", She whispered,
And the hour is drawing nigh
Only say that you will meet me
In our Father's house on high.

She was looking down upon me
For a moment all was still
Then I answered with emotion
By the Grace of GOD I will
How She clasped be to her bosom,
And we bowed our heads in prayer
where we oft had knelt together
By her dear old rocking chair

She has passed the vale of shadows
She has crossed the narrow sea
And beyond the crystal river
She is waiting now for me.

But in fancy I behold her
Once again we Kneel in prayer
While my heart repeats it's promise
By her dear old rocking chair.

WHEN I read that little old yellowed piece of paper......... I knew right then and there, Grandma was going to be my Guardian Angel! I still feel it as I just wrote that, So it must be true.
I wish I knew who wrote it.

@ Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

16). Back from our wonderful Honeymoon

2009-08-29T22:20:00.000-07:00

Steve and I had a riot on our honeymoon. We were so meant to be......... He was my friend and now he was my loving wonderful husband. I felt like I won the Love lottery!

We got back to Michigan after the honeymoon and just tried to get back into the swing of working and when I showed back up to work at the Print shop, tons of work was waiting for me to finish... I worked my butt off. Then one morning I showed up for work and there were yellow police ribbons around the building. I wanted to go inside, but when a Police officer came up to me and told me I had to leave that Mr. Blankenship was found inside and he was dead of an apparent suicide..... I could not believe it...... I tried so hard to try and figure out why such a nice guy would do something like that. I was shocked to say the least.

Six months after we got married........... We got pregnant...... and that's where my journals where I wrote begin.....

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

15). Meant to be! So meant to be!!!

2009-08-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

Steve and I got married in September of 1983. We went to Niagara Falls in Canada and had such a great time, we walked the streets with bottles of Champagne and just had so much fun. We walked the streets and looked down at the huge gorge and a huge truck came by and I swear it made me feel like I was going to fall over into the gorge from the wind of the truck. I ran so fast away from that scary place. Me and heights did not go together very well at the moment. We decided to go somewhere else so that's when we decided to drive to St. Catherine's. So we got into the car with our Just Married sign still on the back of the window and took off to St. Catherine's. Here we were on our honeymoon going over this Huge Bridge and Steve's taking the steering wheel and swaying it from one end to the other making me feel like we were going to go off the bridge. I thought he was trying to kill me on our honeymoon. He liked to get a reaction out of me for sure....... Bad Husband! He was laughing and I was not happy!

We got to St. Catherine's and just had a great time, we then went to Toronto and had even more fun. We went to the Grange where they even baked homemade fresh bread in the basement of this old building. These women were all dressed up in old time clothes like back in the olden times. We ate a piece of that homemade bread and it melted in our mouths.... I can still taste it now.

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

14). Part 2----The blanket, dresser and pottery I made in High School.

2009-08-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

Well, after Jim and I moved into our apartment in Westland we lived together for about another year and had the time of our lives. We were still going to clubs every weekend and I got a kick out of dressing up and looking like part of the band. I would sit in the audience and be in awe of his beautiful voice. I can still hear him sing to this day. I decided I did not want to compete for his love of Fish and his new obsession.... A gray Fox.... yes. It's true he came home one day and had a baby gray fox. It was bad enough we had 13 fish tanks in a one bedroom apartment and a $500.00 a month electric bill, now I had this gray fox growling at me when I was on the toilet. We kept him in the bathroom and it was terrible, I was afraid he was going to bite me everytime I went in there to take a shower or use the bathroom. I remember taking my slipper off while sitting on the toilet and smacking that fox to get away from me. I was terrified! I decided it was too much for me and I wanted out... I was working at a Jewlery Store selling diamond rings and decided I wanted to try something else, so I got a job at a print shop in downtown Plymouth working for Mr. Fred Blakenship. I was designing and printing and having the time of my life. I loved the ink, I loved the smell of the paper, I loved the final product.... Wedding Invatations, business cards...... Letterhead. It was fun stuff forsure.
So I felt like I needed to move on and try something else. But I had no furniture... All of my stuff that I moved out of my parents with, I left at Steve and Kathy's when I was 18. I had not talked to them in a few years and called the number that I had for them. That number was disconnected. For some reason, I always remembered Steve's parent's phone number out in Belleville. So I dialed the number and Mr. Wilson answerd the phone. I told him who I was and that I was looking for Steve and Kathy. He got so excited and said, " Hi Kathy, I remember you and Steve's number is... I wrote down the number that he gave me and said, Thanks for the information and I hung up from Mr. Wilson and Called Steve. He answered the phone, I said,' Hey, It's Kathy..... He was so excited to hear from me and invited me over to his place for some drinks and to help him set up his new stereo he had just bought for himself for his birthday. So he told me where he was and I went over there. We drank some Vodka and Orange Juice and I helped him with the stereo and even helped him do his dishes. I remember it like yesterday! He told me he and Kathy got divorced the year earlier. I was so happy to see my long lost friend...
Then he got the stereo all hooked up, The first song that was on was by Steve Miller and it was called Abracadabra............ Steve asked me to dance and I said Yes in a heartbeat. At that moment I was looking at him as still my friend from way back when when out of the blue he bent down and kissed me on my neck. If I could describe the feeling I had at the moment I totally would. My knees went weak, I got all warm and fuzzy, and was in shock that my friend just kissed my neck and I got that feeling...... I was in total shock for about a minute....... Then we kissed and kissed and kissed..... and made out right there on the living room floor. It was the sweetest ever. I knew at that moment that the way he made me feel......... I could kiss him for a lifetime. I just knew it....... So I was still living with Jim and just kissed Steve over and over and over. Yes, I admit it... We ended up in his room and I looked around his room and looked in his closet that was open and saw my Pottery that I had made when I was in High School. I actually screamed and said, OH MY GOD.... You have my pottery I made.... it was filled to the top with pennies, he was using it as a coin holder. I could not believe it.... Then he told me that he still had my blanket, my bed, my dresser and it was at his parents house for the past two years. He knew one day I would want it back.............. I was shocked and happy at the same time. He was so handsome and the way my heart beat when I was in his presence amazed both of us........... totally awsome feelings we were having. So I drove home that night and the next day Steve called me and asked if he could take me out on a date. I said, "Absolutely yes." So he came to my apartment with Jim while he was gone and picked me up. I think I left Jim a note and told him I'd be back later.......... Well, Steve and I had a fun night catching up on what had been happening to him the past few years since we last saw eachother and we just really re-connected. It was time for him to take me home. We pulled into the Apartment Complex and he climbed over the drivers seat and layed on top of me in the passenger seat just kissing me and kissing me and saying I don't want you to leave........ Just then.............. we heard knock, knock, knock on the passenger window. We both looked at it was Jim.. He was waiting for me in the parking lot. I told Steve stay right where he was and I just wanted to melt into the passenger seat of the car. I was so caught red handed kissing Steve in Steve's car........... Talk about an Oh MY GOD moment...... I got out of the car and said nothing until we got into the apartment. I heard nothing Jim was saying, all I could think of was Steve saying, I'll be back to get you tomorrow. I could not wait to kiss his lips again! So the next day........ Steve called and asked if I was alright, I told him I was fine and Thanked him for being so kind and patient at a the moment we got Busted!! It was the craziest 24 hours in my life. Steve and I fell head over heals in Love............. I mean Love..... I could not even believe that my friend that I had known was kissing me the way he was, I could not believe I was kissing him back the way I was..... he had me at Hello.........
We then moved into our own apartment. I was still working at the Print shop in Plymouth and still loving my job, and looking forward everyday for lunchtime. I knew Steve would be on his bike in the park downtown in Plymouth. I don't know how many miles he was riding everyday to see me, but it was so adorable. We would have our lunch in the park and then he would ride his bike back to the apartment and then go to work afternoons as a Tool and Die Maker.
We dated and lived together for 6 months when he asked me to marry him. I said Yes in about one second flat!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

13). The blanket, dresser and pottery I made in High School.

2009-08-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

This is one of those things that really freaks me out..... I can't question it..... I just have to believe in fate!

I was 17 almost 18..... I was still living at home and went to a concert with a fellow High School friend named Bob. We had a riot and we drank some drinks and smoked some pot. I got home from the concert feeling all buzzed up and just enjoyed my very first concert.. I went to bed and when I got up in the morning my Dad was so mad at me for not letting our cat outside... I must have still smelled like alochol or pot because he said to me. "Did you smoke pot lastnight?" I could not lie, he was a big man, so I admitted that yes I did smoke some that night at the concert, He pulled my hair and yelled at me for not letting the cat outside and told me to pack my stuff and find another place to live. I was not even 18 years old yet....... So I called Steve and Kathy. Yes. My husband's ex wifes name is also Kathy. Her's was Kathryn and mine is Katherine. Funny stuff!
Anyways, I talked to Kathy and asked her if I could rent a room that my Father and I just had a huge fight. She said sure... So I packed up my bed, my blanket, my dresser, the pottery I made in High School and all my belongings and drove out to Taylor and moved into their spare bedroom. I lived with them for about 2 months while I was working out in Birmingham at a Life Insurance Company. They were paying me for my handwriting skills. I have to admit I have beautiful handwriting. They were paying me to write out envelopes with Clients names.. I loved that job. It was right up my alley as being a writer I love writing no matter what it was.... So I would drive back and forth from Birmingham to Taylor 5 days a week having a fun life. Then........ My girlfriend Janine and her parents were moving to Florida and needed someone to take care of the house they lived in until it was sold. So they called and asked me if I wanted to live rent free in a beautiful house and the only thing I had to do was keep it clean for prospective clients that wanted to possibly buy the home. I packed my suitcase and moved into the house, Totally furnished. I needed nothing but my clothes. I spent the whole summer waking up to RUSH and jamming out big time. I loved having my privacy and just this big huge house to myself. That's when I went out on a Blind date with a Musician. He was a drummer in the band called MB Rocks. He came to the house in his Van and we went to one of his band practices. I was hooked line and sinker right at that moment. He was so very talented and could play the drums like Steve Perry from some band, I forget right at the moment.... Oh and when he sang Marvin Gaye..... Dang..... he sang Simply Red, he could sing anything. We went from Bar to bar every weekend and on the other nights he had band practice. I even got to sing back up sometimes when he let me. He knew I was a good singer...... LOL He did not want to compete against me... hee hee hee..
He took me to the movies at Fairlane and we watched Dawn of the Dead and he walked like he was dead all the way back to the van. He could sing, dance, play the drums and act too. We once went to the Cemetary on Ford Road and got drunk and he pretended to be dead for over an hour, until I decided to unzip his pants and take them off. He snapped out of his dramatic mood right then and there. Oh what a blast we had...... I was living it up... Getting dressed up every weekend watching them sing for people and dance and just have so much fun. His parents were awsome, she made the best homemade chicken soup I ever tasted! We actually fell in love and moved in together. We had a trailer out in Farmington on 8 mile...... That's when he found his other obsession. Fish... I mean salt water fish, he loved everything water. We had a water bed, a fish tank in the living room, a fish tank in the bedroom, a fish tank in the kitchen all I ever heard at night was bubbling water. It sorta soothed me at night when he was out playing in the bars and I stayed home. Then this one night he got home later than expected..... He was complaining of a back ache. I mean really complaining. I was drilling him, Where ya been, why are you home so late, blah, blah blah..... he could barely stand up... So I drew him a hot bath and his long legs and naked body and he laid in that bathtub for hours. Really moaning out in pains. I did not believe him at first and then I started to believe him once I saw him almost scream in pain. I drove him to the hospital and come to find out he had Kidney stones............... Oh did I ever feel about a half inch tall for not believing him. I never will doubt anyone for the rest of my life from that personal experience.....

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

Taking a short break from writing........... BE RIGHT BACK!

I forgot something............................ this is totally crazy!!!

2009-08-29T18:43:00.000-07:00

Now how strange is this people........ Tell me I'm not supposed to be right where I am.........

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

12). Final Dedication......................

2009-08-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

This Dedication goes to my loving husband of almost 26 years.... Stephen... also known as Stevo, Reno, Stevarino, Meece, Baby Cakes, The love of my life! and other endearing nicknames...

Stephen Earl........ Pinch me...... Just where the heck did you come from? I seriously think you can be lucky in life or lucky in love.. Can you really have both? I know for a fact I have been lucky in LOVE....... Life..... Not so much.... But then again... Maybe so. I'm just understanding my life a little bit more everyday.... Thanks to you Babe I survived Dead Man's hill... thanks to the Blackberry Brandy. I never felt my tailbone breaking being so hot and toast on our sledding trip when I was about 16. I met you when I was 15 and saw you studying at the table while we all played Risk, and backgammon, and cards and just had the greatest time. I remember comming to your house when I was 15 with Craig. I remember going in the bathroom and noticing the peach colored tiles and staring at them. Something told me that I was going to see those tiles again. I can't explain it. It was just a feeling..... Now I know what it was....... We have lived in your childhood home for about 25 years now. I see those peach tiles everyday of my life! I must have had so many preminitions in my life.......... I never knew that you would be my husband........ I knew the day when we got married I could not possibly love you more than I did that morning...... Wow was I ever wrong. I love you more than this whole entire universe and beyond. YOU....... are my Angel on earth honey. You never once tried to change one little thing about me. Not one..... in all these years you were there for me when Genette Died and then you were there for me when I was hit by that drunk driver and you would bathe me, shower me, carry me up the stairs, make fish sticks and tater tots your gourmet dinners, you let me leave Michigan anytime I wanted to go and see my far away friends that I could not live without, you let me just be me.... Totally me...... and loved me thru thick and thin, better or worse, sickness and health and so much more. If I could scream to the world how lucky I really am........ I would, If I could jump out of a plane and scream as loud as I could I love you so the whole world would hear me I would, If I could even thank you for our children...... I would...... I could not have handpicked a better husband for me.... I'll never forget the day my Dad heard me singing at the bar and then signaled for me to come over and sit on his lap when he was in that wheelchair because his right leg had been amputated.... I sat on his lap and he said, " Kiki, you could not have married a better man". I hugged him and cried.... Every daughter wants to hear that from her Father. I'll never forget that.
Steve......... I would totally die for you, I would catch you if you fell off a bridge, I would stop a moving car if it came in your path, I would take care of you for the rest of your life just like you have done for me my whole life..... I would give you my legs if you needed them, I'd give you my heart if you needed it, I would give you my breath if you needed air...... I would do just about anything in this world for you just like you have done for me...
I love you beyond life, and can not thank you enough for your unconditional true love of a lifetime.......... I got lucky in love............ I sure did!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

11). 3 more huge dedications........

2009-08-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

I thought I was finished with my dedications, but I left out two of the sweetest people that really touched my life beyond words......

Yvonne and Norman...... My Grandparents.......

I loved going to your house on Gilchrist in Detroit every Saturday growing up. You taught me how to bake, how to appreciate life without pain, apples, sausage, stuffed peppers, Bran Muffins, the National Enquirer, the naked photo's in National Geographic.... I was just a kid, but I still remember.... I actually still have your beautiful China cabinet and the old table and the hankerchiefs and I gave your wedding ring to Shanelle..... I wanted her to have it. Thank you for all the little gifts you gave me growing up, the Mood Ring, the ET stuffed animal, the beaufiul jewlery box that played music, I still have it. Thank you for letting me take care of your crippled Arthritic body Grandma. I know when I bathed you it was not easy and it probably hurt alot, I did it out of Love for you Grandma. Every hair brush stroke I gave you on your freshly cleaned hair, every new night gown that I put on you, every time I emptied your comode, every time you sent me little hand written letters that were sealed in glue and that were really crunchy when I got them out of the mailbox, I saved everything Grandma.... I have every letter you ever wrote me. I remember that last time I saw you Grandma...... I could smell the death... I could see you staring right thru me from across the room with your glazed eyes.... you were trying to tell me something without saying a word. I think you just wanted to remember every feature of my face, my voice..... I stared at you too Grandma and I'll never forget one damn thing you taught me and thank you for loving me like a daughter that you never had..... I still bare the scar on my right hand that reminds me of the day you died and I was supposed to come over and bathe you..... I put my hand thru the kitchen window by accident.... There must have been a Guardian Angel looking over me preventing me from seeing you that one last final time.
Grandpa..... I'm so sorry I spent so much money on the groceries that last week before you died suddenly...... You yelled at me.... "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME".. I know you never spent that much money on groceries in your whole life.... I just did it because I knew you were sick and could not get to the grocery store anymore after having that colostomy bag from Colon Cancer. I did it because my brother Norm was living with you and I just wanted you both to eat and be healthy......... I wish you never said those words to me..... I would have never tried to Kill you! You know that and so do I! I love you Gramps for your yummy Thanksgiving dinners that you would never give me a glass of milk, I still to this day make my Stuffing for Turkey just like you............ Thank you for being so generous. I think I got that quality from you and I wear it well Grandpa...... I give...... I think I give to much to tell you the truth!
I miss you both more than life and any words could possibly explain.........................
wow....... total flashbacks going on......
Grandparents really do leave a mark on peoples lives...... So very much!!!!
Love your little Kiki.......
you always said Kiki meant Fun........ I'll never forget that!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

10). My final few dedications.....

2009-08-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

My final few dedications.....

Thank you Christine for being such a great friend since we were 10 and still loving me after I smashed your brand new bike. We never fight, we get along, you always know when I need you the most. Your life has been just as crazy and confusing as mine, and think that's why we are the bestest of friends. I'm so sorry you lost your Mom, Dad, Brother other Brother and Sister.. Seeing your heart hurt makes my heart hurt too. I'm so glad we have eachother.... I could not have made it without you girlfriend....... Ever! You are my best friend for life and beyond.... You my sweet girlfriend know me even better than my Husband..... We go wayyyyyyyyyyy back.... You are a gift to me each and every minute of everyday. I feel like the luckiest person alive knowing what a great friend you have been to me. You deserve a Great Friend Award!!!! No doubt in my mind...

Thank you Cyndi for singing with me in the NBD bank parking lot. I love music and singing to this day.

Thank you Tom for having the juciest plum tree in your front yard that I can still taste to this day if I really think about it.

Thank you Tom, Chris and Karen and Marge..... You were my 2nd family.... I still need to talk to your Mom to figure all that out.. Little pieces of the puzzle are coming together.

Thank you Angelo for being my first husband at 5 years old

Thank you Craig for loving me the way you did in High School. I'll never forget the dinners, the dances, the drive in and the way we fogged up the glass..... LOL Thank you for still being my friend after all these years. Thank you the most for introducing me to my sweet wonderful Husband Stephen!

Thank you Patty for staying strong when you were in Baghdad during Desert Storm and putting that money in those rolled up magic markers to get out of there.. I'm so glad I got to spend some time with you in June out in Phoenix. I love that your now Muslim. Hearing your stories makes me totally understand.

Thank you Dr. Diaz for helping me walk again after those long 5 years...

Thank you Dr. Beer for helping me with my friggin scar tissue....

Thank you Dr. Bachman for hypnotizing me for the Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from our tent being struck by lightning and the loss of my sister. I don't cry as much anymore! Thank you for making me paint you a picture. I hope you still have it. I'll never forget you telling me... IT'S NOT WHAT YOU CAN'T DO- IT'S WHAT YOU CAN DO!

Thank you Genette for being the best friend ever and even though you lived in Clarkston and had no phone you would hear me scream, I need my girlfriend and then you would show up in your beat up car and I'd look out my kitchen window and there you were.. Still amazes me to this day and I'd give anything to have you do that again.. Rest in Peace my dear sweet Genette.
... Also ....... Thank you for naming your daughter Katherine after me...... I feel honored beyond belief!
I will always have a part of you girlfriend..... I named my daughter Chellsea Genette..... That will last a lifetime ya know!

Thank you Eric the complete stranger that just pushed me to the point of where this book is finally going to come out of me........... I'm amazed how a stranger could have done that to me.. Are you a Guardian Angel?

Thank You Larry........ My Sweet Father in Law...... Those days at my kitchen table when I was taking care of my Mom with Cancer and my Brother with Kidney Failure and we would have jeager bombs and you would tell me all your stories........ no one will ever understand how I really needed those afternoons.... I'd give anything to have you here to bring you a bowl of my home made soup, or make you that Chili you always had me make for you Sad sacks group every year, and thank you so much for being my 87 year old best friend. Rest in Peace Grandpa Wilson I miss you more than anyone will ever know. Looking out my kitchen window and not seeing you walk by in your coveralls...... ohhhhhh I hate that I can't see you one more time! I'd hug you so tight and tell you what a great Father in Law you were. Even if I was still in my jammies at 3 in the afternoon, it did not matter.... All those years when you stopped in to check on me and when I was sound asleep in the side room because I could not make it up the stairs to my bed and you woke me up by your hands in my hair and your lips on mine... just giving me a kiss to say I love you..... I'll never in a million years forget that. That very moment it made me realize how and why my Mother in law Marie fell in love with you. She was a very Lucky lady. I miss you both so much. I can still taste her home made applesauce and see her looking out the little window making sure I had winter hats on the kids in the winter time. She was Mom to your kids and mine....... No wonder Chellsea wants me to live next door to her. She saw how it was for me...... Lovely I might add!!!

Thank you Deb and Dean and Sheri and Beth for always letting me come stay with you when I needed to get out of freezing cold Michigan! I loved N.Y.C, I loved the Bahamas, I loved the Cruise, I loved Jamaica, I loved meeting Jay and Steve our bitches from Florida..... I loved just having homes away from home..... I could never re-pay you for your kindness...

Thank you waitress at Capitol Coney Island for finding my diamond and giving it back to me after so many months. You could have had the prettiest diamond ring ever! You make me know there are good people out there!

Thank you........ Ray............. Ray....... You my Love..... are just the sweetest man alive besides my husband! No words can describe!!!! When I needed anything..... You were always there all the way from Houston!

so many thank you's...................
oh, I can't forget Johnny........................... Johnny G........ You friggin Rock...... I got to meet a bunch of hollywood stars because of you. Made me feel so alive!!!!

Thank you Jim for being my boyfriend back in the day and turning me on to music and drums and bars and dancing and singing and boating and for introducing me to Tina..... My sweet YOGI!

Thank you Tina........................... thank you for being my ex boyfriends girlfriend...... LOL Thank you for shoulders, your finger down my throat when I would drink too much, your late night phone calls, your non judgemental friendship of a lifetime, your...... finally getting your life on track so I don't have to worry about you anymore. You will always be my Yogi and I will always be your Boo boo...... xoxo

A special Thank you to Sheri and Deano........... Thank you for saving Shanelle and Chellsea's lives when you brought that extra tent to the campground when lightning struck.... I still wear the cross around my neck as a reminder of how Guardian Angels are watching over our family. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for helping me recover from that very traumatic night..... Thank you for holding me when I was crying, thank you for taking me to the Emergency room for some sort of calm me down pills......... thank you for sleeping with Steve and I that night in Shanelle's little waterbed..... I could not have made it thru that night without you being right there in the same room with us.

Thank You Nikki Nikki Rimbo no so Rimbo Momma Moochie Gomma Gomma Goochie. I love you so much.... I'm so grateful my sister had a daughter before she passed away, and you are so much like her.... It took me along time to not see my sister when I looked at you, now when I look at you, I see you..... I know you understand what I'm saying... I explained it to you a few years ago. Thank you for being the sweetest neice ever.... I'm so proud of you and your strength to survive what you have been thru losing your sweet Mother. I will admire you for the rest of my life!

Thank You Jeff......... You have been the best brother in law ever. I'm so happy you and my sister created Nikki and for that.............. I will love you till the day I die and beyond. You my sweet friend are just a hoot and I love the way we laugh and the way we just can be so silly and hang out and have so much fun together. I'm sorry for the loss of you Mother and I'm so happy you finally get to see the fruits of your labor with Nikki...... She's incredible and you did such an awsome job...... I love our phone calls..... You just let me rant and go on and on and you are such a great listener...... So non judgemental. I think you are really the only one that really knows where I came from. You were there... You saw everything! I love you Jeff...... I love you, I love you I love you!

Thank You to everyone that has been a part of our lives for the good, the bad and the ugly.. There's so many people I could thank for being in our lives....... I'd be on this page for the next year if I had to Thank everyone.... so if your name is not on the list... Don't fret..... I'll mention you somewhere along the line in my blog........ xo

To all my brother and sister in laws............... Thanks for accepting me just the way I am.... Wild and crazy and crazy and wild....... No further explanations needed.. Love ya, love ya, love ya! I love your Family so much and I will always treasure each and every one of you! xoxoxoxoxo

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

9). Okay, I'm good now..... Deep Breath.......

2009-08-29T17:00:00.000-07:00

This Dedication is to you Norm....

I could never in a million years explain what having you as a brother means to me. I feel deep in my heart that you so got cheated out of so many things in life. You stutterd as a kid and got teased so badly. I always tried to yell at all the mean people that just were so unaware that everyone is different for a reason. Not one person on this planet is alike. I always looked out for you growing up and if I could have had a Tattoo that read, Leave my brother alone...... I probably would have worn it well.....

That was then..... this is now....... But your Then..... Oh boy..... My heart hurts for you big brother. My heart hurts so bad that I'm going to let all that pain out right this minute and let it go.... just let this page have it and run away with it..... take it away.. Fly, fly away...... I learned the hard way and way too late that no matter how hard I fight for things, some things.... Just never had the chance to change. I tried Norm, I tried, Honest to GOD.... I tried to make life easier for you. I really did. When I got that phone call when you were in jail..... I almost died, and when those drug dealers were calling our house threatning to kill you if you did not give them some money. I had no money to help you, and if I did.... I would have helped you. I truly believe that you were doing drugs back in the day to escape the inner pain you were really feeling, and you wanted to buy your friends. You had genuine friends growing up, but after them old high school days, everyone sorta went their seperate ways and you found some friends that were not friends......... You know it and so do I.... Then I got the phone calls from Northville Police saying you were so drunk by the Rail Road Tracks they were taking you to the hospital, then I got the phone call from St. Mary's Hospital that said you only had one year to live..... and that same week they told me our Mother only had one year to live..... I wanted to just jump out of my skin and tell Mom to forgive you, and not be so bullheaded and forgive you.... Dad had already passed away and you only got to see him once before he died. I think Mom made him stay away...... I think deep in his heart he wanted to see you, but did not want to make Mom mad.... I could never figure out why and how a Mother could disown her own child... I fought the fight Norm with Mom...... I screamed, I called her bad names, I never gave up on fighting for you. I think it was my role in life with you as to look out for you no matter what! When I got that phone call from St. Mary's Hospital and they said you needed somewhere to go and someone to take care of you.... You came here and lived with us for 19 months..... I'm sorry I almost killed you the first two weeks you were here... I called the Ambulance 4 times in 2 weeks because I really thought I killed you... I had no idea a Diabetic Sugar Glucose Monitor had to be calibrated.. When I injected you with those needles of insulin to get your sugar down... And you broke out in a sweat and then you fell by the bathroom and smashed your head, and then when you came out of surgery when they removed your left eye.... I was there for you Norm. You were wearing that silly green hat that had One Eye that I got from Disney World with my girlfriend Beth.... You just have had the greatest attitude about this Diabetes and what it's done to you..... I feel your pain Norm, I mean really feel your pain. When you hurt, I hurt..... The funniest thing that we still laugh about today is when we took that Limo to Downtown Detroit and you rolled down the window of the Limo and yelled at that stranger.... " What's up Mother Fucker".... What is up! OMG I never laughed so hard in my life, I thought we were going to get shot forsure! But we slid thru that moment with such laughter that sometimes to this day I call you and say What is Up........ I swear sometimes....... I wish I could turn back the clock of life for you Norm. It's all in birth order........ It could have been me... It could have been me that was 6 foot 3... It could have been me that had Diabetes, it could have been me that slept in a burnt out house, it could have been me that had toes amputated, it could have been me that loved alochol so much, it could have been me that never got married and never had children, it could have been me......... It wasn't but I still felt your pain Norm... I love you so much and I'm so sorry you are on Dialysis everyother day for the rest of your life, I'm so sorry you missed out on the last years of Mom and Dad's life, I'm sorry so fucking sorry! If I could have taken any of your pain away Norm.......... I promise you I would have!
You hang on there Big Brother, you go to all of your Doctor appointments, you do everything your doctor's say, you eat right, you better continue to call me 1o times a day, you just better be here for me because I need you!
I need you and I'm so happy you straightened up your life all by yourself...... I'm so glad that day in Northville when you put that bottle of ice cold beer up to your mouth you heard that little inner voice that said, YOU DON'T WANT THAT....... you Norm, YOU only YOU did that on your own.... No Rehab, No Therapy, Nothing but you... All you and to me...... You are the strongest most sweetest brother in the whole entire world!
I love you now and forever and ever and ever and beyond!
your loving sassy little sister Kiki xoxoxoxo

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

8). It took me more than a minute.........

2009-08-29T16:51:00.000-07:00

These last few moments of me trying to find the right words to dedicate this next post...... Whew.... I never knew writing a book from the heart would really pull at my huge heart strings.... They are pulled and I'm just going to endure the feelings and close my eyes and write from the heart. If any of the words are miss-spelled it's because I have my eyes closed but my heart is wide open!

I'm just going to let these words flow....... and I'm going to save the last dedication to the best so you have to read all of these as I write them and don't cheat.................!!! Everyone saves the best for last don't they????

So this dedication is to my Brother Norm....... also known as..... Stormin Norman, Normie, Big Brother, Moon Man, Strongest Man I ever met in my life!

I need kleenex...... well, maybe not--- the tears that are flowing down my cheeks right now are so friggin real, I can't wipe them away.. I just need to let them flow. Maybe it will help me get my thoughts right and my point that I want to make about my Brother Norm..... No one has ever heard this from me....... I can't swallow..... I'm so choked up...... I'm alone at this computer and am so glad no one is really seeing my tears flowing down my face...
Go get the kleenex people....... You might need it.. I warned you!!!!

okay, I need one more minute.... Damn it!!!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

The Next Few Dedications are going to bring tears to my eyes! Happy Tears!!!!!

2009-08-29T16:25:00.000-07:00

I need a minute to gather my thoughts, I want to get this next dedication right.....

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

7). My Step Daughter Amy

2009-08-29T16:09:00.000-07:00

I also dedicate this book to My Step Daughter Amy. Also known as ..... Aimer's, Aim, and other sweet endearing names.

Amy's my absolutely beautiful Step Daughter. I actually knew Amy when she was in her Mother's pregnant belly 30 years ago. She's got the most beautiful baby blue eyes and actually Joshua and Amy look like brother and sister. It's adorable! Amy and I have come so far..... I had no idea how to be a Step Mother. I always just instantly thought she would love me because I knew her when she was in her Momma's belly. But..... it's not like that one bit. It's like the greatest friendship that starts small and grows so huge it makes you pinch yourself. I could not ask for a sweeter more beautiful Step Daughter. She's actually Super Mom, Super Aunt, Super Sister and just Super Sweet..... I love her more than she will ever know more than a trillion hugs and kisses and more hugs and kisses for you Amy..... I love you for bringing our grandchildren Megan and Alex into our lives. They call me Nana Banana and I love it!
I love you Honey Bunch! You will always be Daddy's little girl... I'm glad we see you all the time and you just have such a sweet family. Thank you for being the greatest role model for Shanelle, Chellsea and Joshua. Huge loving hearts are flying around this post... Can you feel them? xoxoxo I'm her Step Mom, but once pretended I gave birth to her in our Kitchen... Remember that Amy, I even screamed out in pain like I was really in Labor.. We love you and always will forever and ever!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

6). My Only Baby Boy in the Whole Wide World....

2009-08-29T15:47:00.001-07:00

This book is also dedicated to my most handsomest baby boy in the whole wide world..... Joshua , also known as: Stormy, Joshie Pooh, J Dub, Brat, and some other sweet endearing nick names.....

He's a Virgo just like his Dad and I... I always thought because of that we would get along so famously like a Mother and a Son. But I tell you, we have had some shouting matches that are off the chart back in the day. I'm glad he's almost 19 in the next week and I hope he's outgrown the trick to knowing how to push Mom's buttons! He just likes to overlook what I'm doing, get into what I'm saying, dictate what I'm cooking. It just makes me more aware of how I do things, and how He does things. We do things a bit differently!!!! He's tall and has baby blue eyes just like mine. I'm not tall and when he hugs me, he's absolutely perfect to Hug! When I do get that I love you Mother, Son Hug. Oh MY..... I feel like I'm hugging my Dad, he's got that same shoulder width and the way he hugs. It's amazing, so I must be getting two hugs at once with Joshua. I just now this moment figured that out. Awwwwwwww.....
I also just learned a big thing about my Son Joshua in the past year, he's..... Got the biggest heart ever! Looks out for other people before himself, No lie..... He loves a beautiful face because his old girlfriend, she was drop dead georgeous. So, I give him big Kudo's to his love of a pretty face, but they need more than that... I think alot of men don't see beyond a pretty face sometimes and I don't want him to fall into that .... Joshua is brilliant... Knows so much I think he's the smartest almost 19 year old that I know. He just got accepted into Avaitaion School and I could not be more proud. I think he just wanted to take a break between High School and a Higher Education. I can now breathe easy because he even got a job today. Great things can only come your way my sweet son Joshua. My Only Baby Boy in the Whole Wide World. I love you so much and am so happy we are now enjoying the Mother, Son relationship and I feel bad we wasted a little bit of time arguing all the dang time. I know you will be a Great Husband and Great Father one day. Your Dad is a wonderful example of what a great Dad is and I hope you feel the same about Mom. Yeah, I'm a bit crazy at times, but I'm living life and I want you to do the same baby boy.... No matter how old you get, You will always be my baby boy.. So just so the Future wife knows that! Hee hee... On your wedding day I'm going to give you Butterfly kisses.... I miss the staring contests we would have when you were little and I would kiss you goodnight. You always wanted to win. You make me laugh Joshua! I adore you and feel so blessed with a Sassy Boy.... Sassy boys get what they want out of life!
I love you more than a trillion I love you's I can say...... I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.. That's a start!!!
NEVER ENOUGH I LOVE YOU'S TO ALL MY BABIES....... XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

5). My sweet daughter Chellsea -- continued.

2009-08-29T15:11:00.000-07:00

My Sweet daughter Chellsea will be turning 22 in a few months-- and that also if freaking me out. But, when I look at her and see her love of life it makes me want to live forever. She's beautiful on the outside and the inside. She's turning into the sweetest young lady and I can only wish that all of her dreams come true. Each and every one of them. She's like my Rock and my Daughter at the same time. She tells me she wants her Dad and I to live next door to her when she get's married one day and has children. I hope that dream of hers comes true. We got plenty of time for that to happen. She's 21 but still my baby girl.. I could fill this blank page with hearts that beat.. she knows how much we love her and how proud we are of her. She never listened to me when I would warn her of little things... But now... She's finally understand that Mom's have an intuition about them and we sense when something or someone is just not right. She finally heard me and now is the happiest ever because of it........ AMEN... I love her because she tells me she loves her Dad so much he's like Superman to her. How sweet is that!!!! I love you my sweet daughter Chellsea. More than you will ever in a trillion years ever know!

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

4). Never Let Me Go. By Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

2009-08-29T13:10:00.000-07:00

This is the story of my crazy, hard, challenging, wonderful, loving, unbelievable, strange, unpredictable life....

I Dedicate this book the the following people....................

Norman and Carol, also known as. Fritz and Dumplin. My beautiful and funny parents.

I would not be here if it were not for my parents... Duh.. But it's deeper than that!!!!

They taught me about Laughter... Pure belly gutt laughter. To be honest, I don't really laugh I giggle more than anything, but it's like a giggle that is so contagious. Once I start laughing, everyone around me laughs at my laugh and it's just the funniest thing ever. I even snort at times if I can't catch my breath from laughing so much. I can't believe I'm admitting all of this stuff, but if my book is going to be a good book, you need to know a little about where I came from, and where I come from now... Where I come from..... 0ohhh They broke the mold on this girl that's a fact and I'm going to admit it right this moment. One time only! I miss you Mom and Dad, I miss having you to call when times were so tough and I just needed to get things off my chest. You always knew by the tone of my voice when you would answer your phone if something was wrong with me just by my first hello. I had a tough time with my Mom growing up, but now I know why.... we made up for lost time in 1993. I'll explain that part in the book, so you just have to wait.... My Dad.... I miss you so much too. Oh boy here come the tears just knowing how lucky I was to be their daughter. We can choose our friends, but we can't choose our family!

I once laughed so hard with my children trying to teach them the Robot dance I peed right then and there... I sat down in the chair and could not get up... I truly think that was one of the funniest moments in my life. But then again there's been so many, I think that's what got me through all the tough times. My Sweet Wonderful Children.......

I also dedicate this book to my Sister, Sherry. also known as Sherry Berry... Or Poop...
Yeah, I never called her that but.. it's true. This book is called Never Let Me Go, and it's because of her.... I have tears swelling in my eyes right now that I'm fighing back because, the last day I saw her alive, she hugged me and wispered in my ear, "Never Let Me Go". She died suddenly later that night and I will never in a trillion years ever forget that hug. I wonder to this day if she knew she was going to die. There's so many unanswered questions, but I just know.. Im so happy to have had that sisterly one last Hug.... Hugs to me today.... mean the world from anyone. I'm a Hug Bugg..... I miss you my sweet sister. My beautiful big sister! I will NEVER EVER LET YOU GO....

I dedicate this book to my daughter Shanelle. also known as: Sha, Shaquita, ScoobyDoo, Sassafrass, Shaniqua, and so many other endearing little nick names.

If I could put hearts all next to her name I would. She's been the sweetest child since the moment she was born. She's going to be 25 in a couple of months and I'm totally freaked out about it, but.... I still look young and feel young in my heart and I hope I passed that on to all of my children. Thank you Shanelle for being so strong willed, so unafraid to soar, such a perfect daughter with this sassyness that's really adorable. I don't want to admit that to you but it is.. You my sweet daughter are a pure gift to your Mom and Dad... I did something right! I had to have done something right to have a daughter like you!!! I love your freckles and your amazing Green eyes and your smile and your heart and your giggle and your love of life and I miss you each and every minute of everyday!
I love you more than life it's self. You saved mine twice when you were only 9 years old, when I had those two seizures. Both seperate times you did not go to school because you did not feel well. Thank God you were home from school those two days.... Thank you for calling 911 and saving my life honey... Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I dedicate this book to my other daughter Chellsea. also known as Chell Bell, Seashell, Chellie,
Lil Miss Hollywood, Marilyn Monroe, Mikey, C.G. and so many other endearing nick names.

I have to admit.... Chellsea is so much like me it's scary........ She's got my little nose..

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

3). It is what it is..

2009-08-29T12:58:00.000-07:00

I feel like a kid that has to stand in front of the class with a huge speach that they worked on for the last two weeks. My knees are shaking and my thoughts are racing and I'm just so overwhelmed with really letting this huge book that I want to write creep out of my brain onto these blank pages.

I have always been a writer at heart and have kept journals for many years. I had one as a teenager that I would really love to get my hot little hands on, but it's gone, long-long gone. I think my Mother threw it away after she read it... But she swore to me she never did. I know I would have never thrown something like that away. I just never wanted to forget my life even way back then.

Now I have almost 47 years of stuff that I want to write about and actually try to tell the story of the long roads in life that have brought me here to this point in my life. They all connect for some strange reason and I figured that out years ago. Now, I'm at the point of what ever happens next is supposed to happen. I just don't sweat the small stuff anymore and my new favorite saying is......
It is what it is... I love that!

I did write tons of stuff on my blog yesterday morning but deleted it last night from some sort of fear or something. I saw the delete button and I pushed it... I pushed it for every one of the post's I made yesterday. I guess I just was scared and shy and felt...... like I lived in a glass house for a moment I guess. So today with my clear head and my not so rushed feeling to write this book and wanting it to be perfect and just realizing that this is something I have always, always, always wanted to do. I'm doing it. So.... I'm starting over and the only way I know how to do this book is from the beginning.

FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.............

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

2009-08-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

My Life started almost 47 years ago on a Stormy night.

2). Never Let Me Go. By Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

2009-08-27T21:52:00.001-07:00

The Beginning......

I have been waiting years to finally have the courage to tell my story and share it with all my family and friends. I have been telling everyone about my book called Never Let Me Go..... Sooo I'm done talking, now it's time to take action and do it...... So here goes...... I'm jumping in with both feet and I hope to make the biggest splash ever!

I think the couple of beers tonight at Applebee's helped, and the conversations I have been having with some complete strangers these past couple of weeks has helped me realize that a book can start anywhere, it does not have to start at the beginning, it can start in the middle or the end. It really does not matter. As long as I write it........ that's what really matters. It's taken me years of writing in my journals to finally realize that one day..... I may not be here and I'd love to share my journals with everyone while I'm alive to see what type of reaction or comments people get from my story. So enough jibber jabbering, I'm doing it......
Here come's the splash!...................................................... I'm jumping in NOW........
wow......... that felt so great, what took me so long damn it!

xo Kiki xo
© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

1)..... I'm finally ready!

2009-08-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

I'm inspired......
yes I am......

Inspired to finally write my book.. So people.....
Sit back, grab a cup of coffee, a cigarette, and a comfy chair because tonight is the night where I'm finally going to start from day one and write my book that I have been dreaming about for years. I just had this mental block at trying to come up with the first page and the first sentence. I want it to be a book that people just can't put down. I want it to be a book that inspires people that have had a tough life to move on and move over because..... Life really never does stay the same. That's why we have tomorrow...
So today is my tomorrow. I'm not going to wait one more minute to share with the world what I'm really thinking and where I came from and why I am the way I am.... So brace yourself people.....
You think you know me, but I don't think any of you really do...

So my words from here on out are the truth and from the heart. Enjoy...

xo Kiki xo
© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson

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This is our Grand Kitty...
Bailey Boo boo.

He's the most loving little animal I have ever met.

Thank you Shanelle for picking out the most perfect little kitty ever and Thank you for letting us watch him while you were in College and in the USAF.

We can't thank you enough. I'm so in LOVE!!!

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THIS IS OUR DAUGHTER CHELLSEA

I THINK SHE'S NATURALLY BEAUTIFUL!

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THIS IS OUR DAUGHTER SHANELLE

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS PICTURE!

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This picture is of me 25 years ago!

IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY!!!!

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This is my Sister Sherry and her husband Jeff.

Sherry passed away on 11 Jan 1993.

Suddenly.

I miss her so much no one really knows!

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This is my best friend Genette who passed away in 1993. R.I.P.

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