9). Okay, I'm good now..... Deep Breath.......

This Dedication is to you Norm....

I could never in a million years explain what having you as a brother means to me. I feel deep in my heart that you so got cheated out of so many things in life. You stutterd as a kid and got teased so badly. I always tried to yell at all the mean people that just were so unaware that everyone is different for a reason. Not one person on this planet is alike. I always looked out for you growing up and if I could have had a Tattoo that read, Leave my brother alone...... I probably would have worn it well.....

That was then..... this is now....... But your Then..... Oh boy..... My heart hurts for you big brother. My heart hurts so bad that I'm going to let all that pain out right this minute and let it go.... just let this page have it and run away with it..... take it away.. Fly, fly away...... I learned the hard way and way too late that no matter how hard I fight for things, some things.... Just never had the chance to change. I tried Norm, I tried, Honest to GOD.... I tried to make life easier for you. I really did. When I got that phone call when you were in jail..... I almost died, and when those drug dealers were calling our house threatning to kill you if you did not give them some money. I had no money to help you, and if I did.... I would have helped you. I truly believe that you were doing drugs back in the day to escape the inner pain you were really feeling, and you wanted to buy your friends. You had genuine friends growing up, but after them old high school days, everyone sorta went their seperate ways and you found some friends that were not friends......... You know it and so do I.... Then I got the phone calls from Northville Police saying you were so drunk by the Rail Road Tracks they were taking you to the hospital, then I got the phone call from St. Mary's Hospital that said you only had one year to live..... and that same week they told me our Mother only had one year to live..... I wanted to just jump out of my skin and tell Mom to forgive you, and not be so bullheaded and forgive you.... Dad had already passed away and you only got to see him once before he died. I think Mom made him stay away...... I think deep in his heart he wanted to see you, but did not want to make Mom mad.... I could never figure out why and how a Mother could disown her own child... I fought the fight Norm with Mom...... I screamed, I called her bad names, I never gave up on fighting for you. I think it was my role in life with you as to look out for you no matter what! When I got that phone call from St. Mary's Hospital and they said you needed somewhere to go and someone to take care of you.... You came here and lived with us for 19 months..... I'm sorry I almost killed you the first two weeks you were here... I called the Ambulance 4 times in 2 weeks because I really thought I killed you... I had no idea a Diabetic Sugar Glucose Monitor had to be calibrated.. When I injected you with those needles of insulin to get your sugar down... And you broke out in a sweat and then you fell by the bathroom and smashed your head, and then when you came out of surgery when they removed your left eye.... I was there for you Norm. You were wearing that silly green hat that had One Eye that I got from Disney World with my girlfriend Beth.... You just have had the greatest attitude about this Diabetes and what it's done to you..... I feel your pain Norm, I mean really feel your pain. When you hurt, I hurt..... The funniest thing that we still laugh about today is when we took that Limo to Downtown Detroit and you rolled down the window of the Limo and yelled at that stranger.... " What's up Mother Fucker".... What is up! OMG I never laughed so hard in my life, I thought we were going to get shot forsure! But we slid thru that moment with such laughter that sometimes to this day I call you and say What is Up........ I swear sometimes....... I wish I could turn back the clock of life for you Norm. It's all in birth order........ It could have been me... It could have been me that was 6 foot 3... It could have been me that had Diabetes, it could have been me that slept in a burnt out house, it could have been me that had toes amputated, it could have been me that loved alochol so much, it could have been me that never got married and never had children, it could have been me......... It wasn't but I still felt your pain Norm... I love you so much and I'm so sorry you are on Dialysis everyother day for the rest of your life, I'm so sorry you missed out on the last years of Mom and Dad's life, I'm sorry so fucking sorry! If I could have taken any of your pain away Norm.......... I promise you I would have!
You hang on there Big Brother, you go to all of your Doctor appointments, you do everything your doctor's say, you eat right, you better continue to call me 1o times a day, you just better be here for me because I need you!
I need you and I'm so happy you straightened up your life all by yourself...... I'm so glad that day in Northville when you put that bottle of ice cold beer up to your mouth you heard that little inner voice that said, YOU DON'T WANT THAT....... you Norm, YOU only YOU did that on your own.... No Rehab, No Therapy, Nothing but you... All you and to me...... You are the strongest most sweetest brother in the whole entire world!
I love you now and forever and ever and ever and beyond!
your loving sassy little sister Kiki xoxoxoxo

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson