I was scheduled for a follow up appointment with my Back Care Doctor and when Steve and I went to see him the following week, he instantly noticed I did not have that pain look in my face. I had this different look.. I felt it too. I was sore and bruised and hurting, but in other places than my back.
The Doctor sent me for some more testing and he stuck those damn electrodes in my leg again and I was just screaming as he would trigger the different nerves and get a reading on them. When my films came back and he looked at them, he said.......... That Roll over accident in your van actually helped you but DON'T DO IT AGAIN..... He showed Steve and I my MRI films and it showed the scar tissue pulled away from the nerve roots. There still was plenty of scar tissue there and they did see that... but we all saw where the scar tissue was pulled away from the nerve root and we laughed and laughed..... something so crazy actually helped me in the long run. Amazing we all thought.... Totally amazing.
Don't get me wrong.... I still feel my back at times when I don't want to, and it still has a way of reminding me on those rainy days, the cold days, the I over done it again days, I just..... will never fully escape having Spinal troubles, but I can live with this pain. I have my days where I have to lay down on the couch and have my feet hanging over the edge and my Son or Husband or Daughter perform traction on me by slowly pulling my feet towards them... It helps relieve the pressure on my nerves on those bad days. I still can't wear high heels, I still can't wear tight pants, I still can't lift heavy things, I still have a hard time leaning over the bathtub to scrub it because I still get those sharp pains in my ribs... But I can deal with this...... I totally can deal with this new life of mine.
I think my body has had over a million dollars of medical care. I'm almost certain, so I am a Million Dollar Momma! hee hee hee
I don't cry as many tears...... I don't grunt and groan with each and every step anymore, I don't use a cane, I don't use a walker, I don't use a wheelchair...... I'm standing up on my own two feet. Priceless people....... Totally priceless!
I'm so happy I had my children when I did, because I probably would have ever been able to bear the back breaking feeling of carrying a baby in my belly after all of that. There are little silver linings in all of my life. I do realize that everyday. I have a life full of silver linings, believe me!
I figure I have had over a million dollars worth of surgeries on my body..... If I can live the rest of my life without being put under anesthesia again. I'd be so good with that! I'm not going to worry my life away, I'm not going to live in the past, I'm not going to do a damn thing but enjoy every pain free moment I have. I wish I was completely pain free, but I'm not.... But I can live with this pain. I don't want to, but I have no other choice. I have certainly seen other people suffer way more than I ever have, we each have our own story and our own pain threshold, we all have our own map of life. Mine just got off course for a few years. I'm trying everyday to just be a better me. It's taking me every minute of everyday to just get thru the day sometimes but..... I'm slowly gaining strength and courage and a different mind set so to speak.
All the bad stuff has happened, I can only look forward to the good stuff to come. They say GOD never puts on you more than you can handle. Well, it was all way more than I could handle GOD! Way more!
I don't know if I could take another bad anything. I just want to enjoy life and hear the birds sing and enjoy my life with the people and places I love. I have still so many dreams and desires and wishes that I truly want to come true. I don't need anyone to fix me or change me or live my life for me. I have to do it on my own..... At my own pace, I'm tired of defending why I do the things I do, why I am the way I am. I'm not going to do it... You either like me the way I am or...... it's your loss really. I'm a great Mom, and Great Sister, I was a great daughter, I'm a wonderful wife and I'm a fabulous friend. I don't try to hurt anyone. I just wish people would stop hurting me... Don't you think I have been through enough? Honestly..... Back off because...... You don't want to mess with Momma Wil. I have no room in my life for one ounce of pain people. My wheelbarrow of shit in my life has been over flowing for years and I finally threw that wheelbarrow away along time ago! Or so I thought!........................
I was not prepared for what was to happen next...... Not prepared at all......
© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment