22). Almost a year to the day......

It was one year after my sister died in January, on a snowy day just like it was the day she died... I had just left work to go pick up my son Joshua from Grandma Alice's house just around the corner. I was driving my Dad's old station wagon. I slowly got into the right lane to turn right into her driveway when a Red Truck slammed the back of the car and put me in the ditch and up on the lawn of the neighbor of Grandma Alice's. She was not my kids grandmother, but she was this little old lady that loved my kids and she loved reading Joshua books and a couple times a week she would come over with little presents for the kids and when we would go and visit her she would give my kids Dandilions to eat from her backyard. They ate it.... They were little and saw her eat them so they did too...

Well, I took the crunch............. the full back breaking crunch, the next morning I could not get out of bed and walk across the bedroom.
I could not put my right foot on the ground without having so much pain.... I barely made it down the stairs when I called a Doctor down the street and said somethings wrong.... The Doctor said, come in right now... I got in my car barely and got to the doctor's office barely and basically almost crawled into the office. I was in so much pain I could not breathe...... He got me back into his office and took one look at me and the way I was not walking and he said, " I'm sending you to St. Joe's for an MRI right this minute. Call someone to come and get you and take you right now". I called my husband and he left work and came and got me...
We went to St. Joe's, I had the MRI and that's when they said, " You have bruised ribs, and a herniated disc in your lower lumbar spine. At L4-L5, You are going to need surgery to clean up all the jell that has oozed out of your disc onto your nerve root. I could not believe it..... They referred me to a Neurosurgeon and about 2 weeks later I was having back surgery.... I'll never in a million years ever forget that day...
There was this guy in the waiting room having the same back surgery that I was going to have in the same exact spot. We wished each other good luck and hoped we would recover soon. Well, I remember when the Doctor came in and explained what he was going to do and that I should feel much better after surgery. He lied....... He totally lied to me! When I woke up from surgery and in my own hospital room, I woke up crying, the pain, oh the pain...... I looked out into the hallway and saw that same guy that was having his surgery like my surgery, and he was up and around holding onto the bars in the hall. He waved to me and I could not even move, I could not figure out how he was up and around.... Why was I flat on my back in intense overwhelming pains, That's when it hit me... Something was different- the Nurses were bringing in this big green contraption to hang up over my bed that I could pull myself up with. I could not even reach it let alone pull myself up on it. The Nurse heard my cries after they put that contraption in my room and left my room and shut my door. I was all alone in tears, in pain, in very intense unbelievable pains. I stayed in the hospital for days.
My girlfriend Christine said, I called her when I was all drugged up telling her that they were trying to kill me... I barely remember that phone call, but I do remember that feeling! The medications they gave me. I was allergic to. Morphine. I don't even know what they gave me after that.

I got home from the hospital and the next 4 weeks, I got worse!!!
I could not walk, I could not sit on the toilet, I could not get dressed, I could not cook, I could not clean, I could not stand up in the shower...... It was like I was just a blob of pain............ and tears........ and my life just stopped!

Then I started losing my bladder. I had no idea what was happening.
All, I could do was feel the warmth of my pee running down my legs every morning when I tried to walk to the bathroom... I left a pee-pee trail on the wooden floor. I was falling apart each and everyday.
My children had to come upstairs to see me...... So after the six weeks of recovery and things were worse, I went back to the Doctor's. They did an MRI and came into my room with the results...............................

That's when I heard those words........ We operated at the right level, wrong disc... You have an extra vertabre in your back and if we count from the bottom of the vertabrae we reach this level... and if we count from the top of your vertabre down, we reach a different level on your spine..... You are going to need another back surgery a.s.a.p. I almost fell off the chair. I thought how the heck could they do this to me, no wonder I was in so much pain, no wonder they put that contraption over my bed, no wonder that other guy was up and around in the hallway and I was not...... No wonder........ I immediately said, I will not have that Doctor touch me one more time, He had the MRI results, it said right on there that I had an extra vertabre in my back.. What was that Doctor thinking? .... I had 3 little kids at home and the past 3 months I could not do one thing for any of them. Joshua was only 3 and wanted me to pick him up. I just could not even possibly do it..... I think he got so mad at me and could not understand, that's when things got touchy with us. He was so mad at his Momma!
So, somehow I found a new Neurosurgeon and went to see him that week. He was the best Neurosurgeon that I could find and he had credentials to prove it, He had operated on Race Car Drivers. I felt like I was in good hands. He came into the room and showed me my MRI and my X-Rays.... He said, I can't promise you anything but I will try and relieve some of your pain.... The very next week I was in the new hospital having another back surgery...... Life just stood still for me and my family..... Stood completely still.

It was a drunk driver that hit me....... His driving record was a mess.......... He should have never been on the road. It happend within 5 miles of my house. They say most accidents happen within five miles of your house. I did not want to hear that!

Five years later.....

Things changed.... It took me five years..... Five very long painful years! I could not walk, I could not drive, I could not clean, I could not do a damn thing.......... I cried everyday! I could not take one more bad thing! All I wanted was my life back.

© Kiki LaFleur-Wilson